Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML
Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML
Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML
Today, my dad joked he’d have to fight my boyfriend to find out if he’s worthy. My boyfriend grew up abused by his dad and older brothers, and has a powerful instinct to fight back. My dad is now out cold on the floor and my boyfriend is in the corner rocking back and forth and crying. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML
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Top comments
thefmlinator 10
I'd do what he says
tabletoplady 11
Your dad is my hero.
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Comments (180)
thefmlinator 10
I'd do what he says
tjv3 10
I like the way he thinks!
chell1894 13
That's actually pretty fantastic. Don't know why you're being a Debby downer about it
fishstick557 14
At least your dad isn't making fun of you like all the other people who have posted on FML sorry op
MagicGiraffe 12
All he was trying to do was cheer OP up :/
AKGirlinSD 20
I agree with 1, OP. Your dad is sticking up for you, willing to kill because your now ex-boyfriend broke your heart. Every guy knows if they hurt their girlfriend, her dad will seek revenge. My dad wanted to kill two of my ex-boyfriends. No dad wants to see their daughter hurt, no matter how young or old! Be happy and flattered by your dad, OP!
Iceman226 17
Being mature is overrated anyway!
Andrew4965 16
I don't really see what's wrong with this...other than that as far as I know, the "But Your Honor, he NEEDED killin!" defense is only considered valid in Texas.
Carlitosfmc 18
sounds like a good plan
forlifebro 15
Hey at least your dad didn't just tell you to suck it up
Sliver1991 26
Perfectly legit way of handling it.
Orchard 33
Your dad rocks, I could only hope my dad would say something like that
BamBAmGG 14
That's some damn good advice!! haha
datoismyname 22
At least your dad has your best interests at heart. Haha
emala1096 17
At least he cares. Quit whining, OP.
lpro 10
Awesome dad
natsaysheyyy 16
Wow, you are so ungrateful! He is trying to comfort you and make you laugh at the same time. I think what he said just shows how much he cares about you and you need to appreciate him. Do you know how many fathers out there wouldn't give TWO *****? You're lucky to have him!
Dr0reos 8
You should. Nothing kills the shit out of someone more than a chainsaw to the genitals.
ovechkinisbeast 9
I'd tell you the same.....
tabletoplady 11
Your dad is my hero.
Damian95 16
I don't think he over reacted in any way. He was completely rational about it!
dhooks111490 8
God...I really just don't like your face. At all. You remind me of the skinny blonde haired male secretary off 30 Rock.
mrkhan17 8
Sounds like he is trying his best OP. Even if it comes across as really wierd :P
datoismyname 22
Weird?
mrkhan17 8
Yeah... Wierd.
OptimusVader 23
I love the way he thinks.
democration 6
A little unorthodox, but sweet nonetheless.
Ziggy122 15
Well... He means well.
BlitzPKF 10
What are you talking about that's awesome
Lonus 9
Seems pretty mature to me. Ya know, killing someone and all.