Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML
Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML
Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML
Today, I got locked out of my house in my pajamas while trying to take the trash out. My neighbor offered to help, but only after taking a picture of me for "future laughs." FML
Today, I was trying on jeans in a store. Thinking the changing room door was locked, I stripped down to my underwear. Suddenly, an elderly woman opened the door, stepped in, and said, “Oh, I thought this was the toilet.” We locked eyes for an eternity before she backed out. I felt obligated to buy the jeans to regain some control of my life. FML
Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML
Today, I went to open my bedroom curtains while still in my pajamas, which, in my defense, were just a very oversized T-shirt. I didn’t realize the window cleaners were outside until I heard one of them say, “Morning!” We made prolonged eye contact before I slowly closed the curtains like I was lowering the lid on my own coffin. FML
Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML
Today, I locked myself out while taking the trash downstairs. I was wearing pajamas, slippers, and a winter coat over nothing else. My neighbor offered to help, then spent ten minutes trying not to laugh while I explained that my keys were sitting on the kitchen counter. FML
Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML
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Top comments
screwtaylor 0
Your neighbor secretly liked it. They just haven't seen such a un-saggy, young penis in a long time.
24788 7
Hopefully every time you walk by her she doesn't wink and lick her lips. I would avoid that neighbor.
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Comments (141)
skiezee 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
First! and way to represent Conn...ha
fmlfmlfml15 0
I don't know how you wouldnt notice the breeze
IFUCKINLOVETEA 0
maybe there was no breeze?
Gavik 0
This happens to me a lot. There's no wind in my house. We don't all live in African Townships.
Captain_Jello 0
Is your penis really that small to not notice these things?..... geez, FYL indeed.
i_eat_failure 0
Maybe its so big that it has been used so much he lost feeling in it? hence he didnt feel it was sticking out
slip5789 0
if that's the case, then fyl still for not having any feeling left.
snnoell_18 1
lol yeah seriously... you're giving CT a bad rep man!
aria02 0
lol dats just funny not an fml
DeadMansCrack 4
You don't always immediately notice..if I'm wearing boxers or something and I have a "wardrobe malfunction" I don't usually notice the exact second it happens. I mean if this guy's junk had been hanging out for an hour I don't get how you wouldn't notice, but I don't think that's the case.
ReasonsToFly 0
It was probably because he was so tired, like it said in the FML. The same thing happens to me once and a while, but never infront of people.
lGreenspanl 2
or he could be fat, and not see his penis when he looked down
Nolanor 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Third!
dakotalesmercy 6
ooooo yummy. <3
screwtaylor 0
Your neighbor secretly liked it. They just haven't seen such a un-saggy, young penis in a long time.
leahlovesya121 0
LMAO
Starchild21 3
lol wow taylor awkward turtle for that one
canucksrule88 0
She's probably so ugly she's never seen one before...like taylor ;)
screwtaylor 0
I've seen many penis' before.. on google. :I Don't judge.
plexico 4
screwtaylor, the plural of penis is penes or penises. You are using the possessive. Penis' means belonging to the penis. If your exposure to penes are solely on the internet, you may be disappointed by real, live ones -- unless you've been trolling at teenypeeny.com, then you'll be overwhelmed!
screwtaylor 0
Thank you for sharing your kind knownledge with me, Plexypoo. How's that six-pack goin' for you?
plexico 4
It's still under enough butter that you'd still like it.
screwtaylor 0
Yup, you know I love them big bellies all up in my face. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_anQ81dzOVXk/RqSa_Qj1H6I/AAAAAAAAAH8/RyE1s5IBqro/s400/beer+belly.jpg I think I found you.
oaklandfanatic 0
Are you bi?
AnaMaree 0
aye yo leave screwtaylor or alone before i screw u
Emma_91 0
rofl. ^_^ That pic made me LOL
fmlette_fml 0
hahah nice. poor old lady.
calcboi 0
I'm sure she's seen a penis before.
screeewed 0
http://mylifeisscrewed.com
Frostwire 0
You fail.
fuzzybrownbear 0
you fail with **** in your mouth
24788 7
Hopefully every time you walk by her she doesn't wink and lick her lips. I would avoid that neighbor.
kirbz 0
wouldn't you feel ur penis touching ur pants??!!!
canucksrule88 0
yeah thats what i would think
ms_nobody 0
Sometimes this happens to my guy friend. When we wake up in the morning, I have to tell him to put it back in his pants or boxers. The little button sometimes slips out of place. Also I have had my boob come out of my swimsuit before at a swimpark, and I did not notice right away.
wowfmlife 0
Well that's disturbing