Today, I was the only family member available to take my grandad to hospital, after he fell on a bottle in the shower and got it stuck up his ass. Again. I swear we need to start monitoring him in the bathroom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have to take care of my abusive grandpa. He's smearing poop all over the wall and peeing on the bed again. It's still morning and I'm bracing myself for doing this five times a day. FML
Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML
Today, while I was at my aunt's house with family, my grandpa needed to use the bathroom, so I guided him to it. There's a short staircase leading to it, and to my horror, he tumbled down it. I forgot he's going blind due to glaucoma and therefore couldn't see the steps. FML
Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, as caregiver, I had to physically remove the shit my grandpa had stuck in his rectum, because he doesn't remember how to shit. He barely knows who I am, which is good because when he remembers who he is, he becomes an abusive asshole. I'm 27. FML
Today, my grandpa forgot that my aunt set up a baby monitor in his bedroom in case of a fall. I’m sitting in the living room with his wife - who is deaf - and I hear him moaning over the baby monitor. My grandfather was jerking off and forgot that someone could hear him. I wish I could forget too. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML
Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
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Top comments
Nikki 17
Or tell him to use objects that won’t get stuck, and come up with a better excuse, emergency nurses and doctors have heard that one too many times before
DevoutOccamist 12
"fell"
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Comments (10)
Nikki 17
Or tell him to use objects that won’t get stuck, and come up with a better excuse, emergency nurses and doctors have heard that one too many times before
MidnaLink 35
I don't think you WANT to be monitoring that.
DevoutOccamist 12
"fell"
creepingjennie 14
So just so you know, nothing accidentally gets stuck there. It's always on purpose.
Nikki 17
Nothing accidentally goes up there, it’s almost always a mistake that it gets stuck
RichardPencil 32
See the Seinfeld episode about the Assman. "Million-to-one shot, Doc. Million-to-one."
SirEnigM0nk 22
Are you sure we want to encourage grandpa to get a Fusili Jerry?
IHaveThePower 18
You might just leave a sex toy catalog in the bathroom and not comment on it--improvised sex toys cause that sort of problem when used anally. They design anal toys that don't get stuck.
legalgravethief 8
I can’t tell if if this post is serious or you really are that innocent/naive, but if you are, he didn’t “ accidentally fall “ he needs Flared based sex toys so they don’t get “lost” and require major surgery to remove. Bless haha
bnapier 18
Jesus just buy the man a butt plug so he can't accidentally fall on the shampoo bottle anymore.
MaxBedroom 2
Buy him a big *****! Leave it unattended in his bedroom with no note, and nobody say anything.