Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML
Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend in bed with another guy. On top of it all he stole my favorite underwear. FML
Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity last night also took my flat screen TV. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML
Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML
Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML
Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. The items stolen were my PS3, cell phone, laptop, tablets, and for some reason my deodorant and pillowcases as well. FML
Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML
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Top comments
hairdreser0nfire 0
And I'm sure he left u a little parting gift. Get tested and dont have one night stands.
Freeze_fml 17
That's what happens when you let strangers in your house, dumbass.
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Comments (180)
hairdreser0nfire 0
And I'm sure he left u a little parting gift. Get tested and dont have one night stands.
ey3seecold 0
becareful your next one nite stand will wipe you out clean..
darkzexs 0
ydi for having sex with a thief. did u lose ur virginity too?
ahhnonomhisdude 0
LAME. ONS's kick ass.
Currentlyonfire 4
wow steal my name some more bitch.
bman134 0
cat fight wanna do this in mud or chocolate either way someones top has to come off
Einstein714 0
I agree, don't screw homeless people
hairdreser0nfire 0
@57 Well I guess my secret is out now. After many sleepless nights of combing the FML threads for a proper user name to steal, I stumbled across yours. I guess everyone now knows I'm neither a true hairstylist nor a Smiths fan. Thanks a lot, Idiot.
FMyLifeCereal 0
just flat out OWNED. Nicely done.
dannyasphyxia 0
i just got an idea, next time I'm staying at a girls place I'll do the same when I wake up
Adamantoise 0
You tell him 100 :)
brittanyrc 0
#20- Seeing how she phrases it as "the guy I had sex with last night" instead of "my boyfriend" or "my husband," I seriously doubt it, haha. this is an obvious ydi, op.
victoria329 0
lol it makes me laugh that you specified he stole your blanket. did u **** a hobo or something?
Malsain_fml 10
One night stands rocks! Everybody should have had at least one in there life. May it be only to be sure that's not what they want. Many many 40 y-o girls I spoke to regret they did not have more when they were younger.
ohthebloodygore 16
At-least he likes to bathe?
RakaI 8
I'm smarter than you, Ohthe...w/e.
ohthebloodygore 16
58, I never said you weren't...? Bravo? I don't know what sort of reply you're expecting. If you're referring to my profile, try sarcasm.
RakaI 8
Yes, your profile made it clear to me I'm smarter than you.
ohthebloodygore 16
60, I'll repeat myself again, sarcasm.
RakaI 8
I am and was aware. Still, my point stays intact.
ohthebloodygore 16
Bravo to you? What you said is an opinion, not a fact.
RakaI 8
Silly rabbit.
ohthebloodygore 16
May we also take this to the PM section? I'd rather not get a warning.
ladybuuggy 0
Seriously..you're dumb for even writing that, Rakal..grow up.
koldfire 1
you can bring it to my house assuming your the cutie in the pic and she's bringing weed/Jesus lol ;)
ladybuuggy 0
I guess that's your last one night stand, huh? :P
pvthill 0
don't listen to these people restock and invite me over
GodOfBeer 5
win :D
clintmaggard 0
your cute(: message me and we can talk(;
imright24 0
hitting on strangers on the internet is creepy.
ladybuuggy 0
ha it really is..
MaximilianMarche 0
we can tell you're short. tell us something we don't know
Freeze_fml 17
That's what happens when you let strangers in your house, dumbass.
FYLDeep 26
If you know the person you can track your stuff down. There's not much of a reason for him to be afraid of any consequences though.
FYLDeep 26
Well I can give you that, but it really depends on how specific to OP's situation you are trying to stay. If you put someone that the OP knew in the original situation, he probably wouldn't have stolen a bunch of petty stuff, or at least not such obvious things. In this case, I think Freeze's point is completely valid. if you want to generalize it so that it can apply to many scenarios, such as multiple people over stealing something that might not be easily noticed, then maybe it's not quite as valid. You really can't prove exactly what part of the FML Freeze meant to apply his argument to though.
Freeze_fml 17
You really had some menstruation over my comment, I see. I'm going to be like you and refuse to tell you why I am correct.
MaximilianMarche 0
organized chaos. you suck just for the overall tone of your unwanted comments. also how can you compare one person stealing from her after sex to multiple people coming over for what would be assumed a get together and taking something. you're wrong
Freeze_fml 17
Here is your response. And I quote, "im going to assume your ignorance comes from the fact that your balls havent dropped yet and move on."
FYLDeep 26
YDI ****.
gina22100 0
Wow wt a dik!
ammo777 0
nice ****.... daaamnnn! :)
Grosso 3
+1!
THESTONEDDUDE 13
I like your pic Gina
braun11 0
hey nice dp
FMLaDay_ 6
Learn to spell...
mrahhhhh 21
"That's not all, here's the condom I said I put on!" "GASP" "Ain't I the worst? Giggity giggity giggity giggity!"
EffinAhole 0
ha! win
cmac86 24
who else but Quagmire?
Fred_Fred_Burger 0
quagmiree. giggetty. yum.
sabrinaFML 0
LMFAOO
MissLizWolf 8
what a ******... /:
Qluz 3
i hope its dominos pizza. they have this new chocolate lava cake. yuuums
Fred_Fred_Burger 0
^ | | oh dude epic win.
koldfire 1
lol
marinus_fml 20
You deserve it for having useless one night stands. You also deserve it for getting so drunk that you slept through him taking your blanket under which you were sleeping, raided your while kitchen, and even decided that taking your shampoo would be a good idea.