Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, I was talking to a friend about this stranger I kissed a few nights ago while drinking. I commented that I was ashamed of doing so, and to make matters worse, the guy was really unattractive. It turns out he was no stranger. I'd kissed my friend. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, after I had an excellent one night stand with a guy yesterday, I saw him at work. He was a client my boss was trying to talk into a deal. The guy recognised me and accused my boss of sending me to seduce him into signing the contract. The deal fell apart and my boss is livid with me. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, I finally spent the night with a new guy after recently ending a 3-year toxic relationship. The new guy disappeared for 2 hours in the middle of the night, then came back to bed. Turns out he was busy snogging my housemate. I really choose them well. FML
Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML
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Top comments
x_eyebrows 0
If you're getting drunk with the intent of having sex with a person you've never met, you pretty much deserve whoever you wake up to the next morning. Beggars can't be choosers.
MissMeanie 5
Buddies helping ugly buddies get laid. He was doing him a favor.
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Comments (32)
feelslikeanoose 0
ahahahha! This is great. I feel ya sister hunny.
jarofarts 0
hahahaha
jsmith1199 4
Haha.. this reminds me of all those times when ***** slept with random people and died of AIDS HAHAHAH serves you right stupid ****
x_eyebrows 0
If you're getting drunk with the intent of having sex with a person you've never met, you pretty much deserve whoever you wake up to the next morning. Beggars can't be choosers.
mariahrawks 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
why is veryone hating her? jeez, get over it.
T1A2Z3 35
We're not hating on her. We're saying she wanted sex with a stranger. She somehow managed to get two guys mixed up (sounds drunk) amd had sex with a stranger. She got what she wanted.
underaegis 0
she's right I mean as long as no one got pregnant it's a good thing right
rcbarnes 24
Why assume it was alcohol?
comadank 0
uuuuuummmmmmmmmmm im a guy and my beer goggles only get better the more i drink wtf lmao
pariah411 0
Another battle won in the war against arrogant slutty bitches!!! Well done, sir. As for the chick, I hope you get pregnant.
Allan_is_Awesome 0
Aww, that suc ks, but is also hilarious
nonstopsand 0
filthy filthy woman. hope you got crabs
jsmith1199 4
well if youre stupid and slutty enough to bring any guy home after only one night then youre stupid and slutty enough to not be able to tell the difference between one guy and another, as long as you get a dick in you.
trooper14 0
obviously before the point you realised what a giant ******* **** you are you stupid bitch