Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML
Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep, poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML
Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML
Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML
Today, I was staying with my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum which made me wince in slight pain. At the same time, my grandma was walking by in the corridor, so she stopped to say, "Don't wank in my bathroom you sicko!" Now my grandma thinks I'm a pervert. FML
Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML
Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML
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Top comments
Amkii 0
Analicious!
itybitykity 0
Classic jaw-drop moment for me just now. That is terrible.
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Comments (94)
HIMnHER 0
oh i bet that tasted bad. i never done that but there were times where i was about to.
michaelscot23 0
I hope it at least made your breath minty fresh
brightnite 0
well that takes care or your tooth itch!
Catkam623 27
And the rest of your mouth
pikachu_01 0
Oooh, ouch. That blows.
daniisme 0
that's why you you need to ANALyse things better.
GrammarFailure 0
Really?
amanda_d95 9
No. Just no.
gregthestrange 3
swift
Ryu148 0
Eeeeewwwwww. Just...ew.
ZleveL 0
ewwwww I threw up in my mouth
itybitykity 0
Classic jaw-drop moment for me just now. That is terrible.
amanda_d95 9
haha me too! i literally had a jaw drop moment
Amkii 0
Analicious!
imhawaiian 0
Nice
Gio_fml 6
Well, at least it wasn't used.
Torialovesya 0
But if it wasn't used then op would of had to open it but probably looked to see if there was another one instead of opening a new one :)
tomorrowbroadway 0
Lesson learned: read the labels of everything, especially things you're putting in your mouth.
wowyougotowned 0
heres a tip: open your eyes when you wake up... idiot
Slender_Man 6
Here's a tip: don't be an asswipe