Anonymous
New Zealand
Today, I woke up at 4:40AM and went to the kitchen. My brother and his steel-capped boots easily found me in the dark. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML
Fail
Steele, United States
Not a night owl
Today, I woke up at the ungodly hour of 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom. It was of course quite dark, and unbeknownst to me, the door was closed. I walked into it. Then I tried to open it, missed the door knob, and walked into the door again. FML
something
Today, I was walking home from school and my stupid brother who comes earlier then me locked the storm door. I ended up trying every other door for 3 hours in below freezing temperature. I was numb everywhere. I rang the bell and my brother opened it. He was home the whole time. FML
makeyourselfathome
Richmond, Australia
Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML
vinniesuckmadack
United States
Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML
rhplb
Quezon City, Philippines
Today, I arrived to work at exactly 8 so I could leave at exactly 5, without overtime. I found out later that my brother took my keys with him somewhere and now I can't enter the house until he gets back at 11. FML
Anonymous
Stoney Creek, Canada
Today, I was woken up and kicked out of my friend's party at 3:00 in the morning. This wouldn't have been so bad if someone hadn't stolen my shoes. I had to walk for an hour in the rain, in my socks. FML
anonymous
Canada
Occam's razor
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
blackvogue
Canada
Classic
Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML
Anonymous
Eugene, United States
Sorry guys, please don't hurt me
Today, I tried to sneak a snack from the kitchen without waking anyone up. In my stealthy quest for a late night sandwich, I managed to knock over a stack of pots of pans and woke up the entire frat house. FML
Top comments
ceinaworus 0
so, I'm going for the most negative comment on FML. rate this as negative please : ) thanks everybody! but seriously, I don't want any positive rate shit going on.
j_cat187 20
with the steel toe, how you feel though, with my foot cramed up ur ass like a *****.
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Comments (65)
this_female 0
hahahahahah
BofaDeesNuts 0
u fine
spartanfan68 0
u not
zach456 0
come to my house sometime please
Haydenob 0
haha ewwww she's not Fine at all!!
leeshxx 3
agreed with 127
mikeduse 0
agreed^ she's got a butter face, everythings great, but her face!
DeadxManxWalking 27
burglar?
jadee000 0
OUCH!
RAGEEEE 0
my thoughts indeed...
KerryBear 0
Bet you'll turn the light on next time.
FFML_314 12
This sounds like the start of a really raunchy porno.
kinga08 0
Throw those steel capped boots into his bed while he is in it sleeping. Who the **** leaves steel capped boots in the kitchen? Does he not have a closet or is he just that lazy?
dreamering 16
Read the story again. Boots don't fly by themselves.
kinga08 0
Why, I apologize. I read "my brother's steel capped boots" instead of "my brother and his..."
imcheerish 0
I bet he was a steel!
tony1234 0
wow
HahaYDI 0
Why the Hell did neither of you turn a light on?
Felipeg33 0
they probably wanted to have sex. yay for incest!
MyHandIsADolphin 0
24 if you were smart enough to read the FML before you posted that, you would have realized he was wearing the boots
duckiecrazy 0
totally agree wit 28. maybe u dyed ur hair blond for a reason
kinga08 0
I was smart enough to realize my mistake and admit it. There is no need to call me stupid and make unnecessary blonde jokes. I misread the FML, it's an honest mistake. I don't need to defend my intelligence to people who don't know me and I will never meet. I love the high horse that people on FML are always on.
duckiecrazy 0
It was meant to be taken as a joke. I was just agreeing, no need to be defensive
lalalalalalalala_fml 0
32- That was a bad joke.
tona01 16
63 your "joke" is just a bitch fit :) have an awfully boring life
briidontgive_ 0
Bad joke indeed, I misread the fml same way as king did, I bet plenty others did too, that's no reason to be rude.
mikeduse 0
btw 32 u look like a ****** pedo girl whose trying to be sexy but really you look like an idiot
s3xymoma 1
dam that must of hurt op