Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML
Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML
Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML
Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Crackandcheese 0
If he pays that much attention to your ass? You may have a secret Butt Pirate on your hands, dude.
Kat_MS 0
#7 How do you correlate pimples with being fat? Sorry I don't see the connection.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (61)
jdawg2010 0
...the first time i read this, it looked like it said " i had sex with my four yearold crush....." i was like.. the hell?
Juno88 0
Omfg, i read this as 'after having sex with my 4-year-old crush' thank ******* god i was wrong.. ****
liverbum 0
Ouch .. What a d-bag.. Forget him
Showtime00 0
damn dude your a total **** munch
prego_05112012 10
Here's an idea....don't have sex with people that you aren't actually in a relationship with.
fuzz97 23
yeah, you really should
DessaChan 9
Pimples on your ass? Are you sure they are pimples?
mea_iloveskiing 26
I read four year old
EllsieBelsie 7
dont worry, i have the same problem
worldclassrager 41
NEVER READ THESE OVER BREAKFAST I NEED TO KEEP THAT IN MIND Memories from metal gear awesome