Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML
Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML
Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML
Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML
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Top comments
Crackandcheese 0
If he pays that much attention to your ass? You may have a secret Butt Pirate on your hands, dude.
Kat_MS 0
#7 How do you correlate pimples with being fat? Sorry I don't see the connection.
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Comments (61)
SamuraiDeli 0
He's a keeper. I see why you've liked him for four years.
Taihen 0
#16: Dude, it happense. Ever heard of teenage skin? At my worst times I had them on face, chest, back, upper arms, and butt all at the same time. Doctor's diagnosis: teenage skin, hormones changing, eat less sugar, try out some acne washes and grin and bear it till it's all over.
BeautyAndBrains 0
#7 is an asshole.
Jevi_fml 0
I have great skin everywhere but my ass. Somehow, it's the only place that I get acne. No guy has complained yet...
bezerk 0
You deserved it. Pimples on your ass? Seriously, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
kittydidit 0
Agreed. I'm sorry but neither I nor any of my girl friends (that I know of) have ever had ass pimples...I don't know why everyone keeps saying that it's so normal. :S
ChloeMeyers_Xo 16
One can't exactly help when acne rises and where it rises. Acne comes from many things, hormones, oil, sweat etc. It's not abnormal, and OP certainly didn't deserve to have her body defiled like that. Kinda hoping you get an ass pimple and your mate points it out.
xRedNormandyx 0
wow... some people seriously need to mature. something like that would NEVER turn me off. He WOULD pay attention to something like that when he should be enjoying himself.
jsmith1199 4
#7 is amazing. u should really do something about the pimples on your ass.
HuDanny 0
I agree with 49 .... dude get that shit checked out!
cra_z_turtle 0
now you write (or have someone write) "you really should do something about the pimples on your personality" on your butt, and moon him.
livvyylou 0
uhmm. am i the only one here who has never had a pimple on their ass? seriously i haven't at all. but i get them on my face, chest, & back sometimes. anyways that really sucks about the guy. hopefully you'll forget about him now.