Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my crush by wishing her happy birthday when she came out of the lift. Too bad she was busy giving someone a blow job and didn’t notice me. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my partner by leaving a love letter on his car's windshield while he was at work. He texted me later saying, “You know you left that on my coworker’s car, right?” Now some stranger thinks I want to “snuggle forever.” FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to fill my girlfriend's room with scented candles and surprise her when she was done showering. I lied there naked, with Kenny G playing softly. I heard a knock on the door, so I told her to come in. To my surprise it was her mom. FML
Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML
Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML
Today, I drove three hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in three weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off, and slammed the door in my face. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML
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Top comments
OmniFML 0
Come back and write it with a baseball bat. It's the thought that counts. ;)
easylazy 0
You shouldn't jump to conclusions maybe she was having sex with YOU in the backseat DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?! No. THat's what I thought.
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Comments (200)
anonymous2323 0
Wow, she was lucky to have a guy like you, but don't worry, she'll probably come to you begging to take her back, and by then you'll probably have found a much better girl.
Tripodi 0
lol!
lalala37_fml 0
what a bitch, hope you dumped that bitch right then& there. then shat on her face.
Crzy_EyesSunrise 0
I think your idea was really cute. As for your gf...well, let's just say she doesn't deserve you. (Please tell me you're not still with her!)
ziqi92 0
i hope u wrote "happy bday u ****, its over between us now, i hope ur happy" just an idea :D u deserve someone WAAAAAY better than her
Diligent17 4
Hey you can write a new message on her car. "Happy Birthday, you just saved me from catching a STD"!
jplumbob 4
that's soo cool because it's my birthday today also. she was good.
neokiller_fml 0
#99 hahaaa scotty dosent know that Fiona and me do it in my van every Sunday! She tells him he's in church but he dosent know tho she's on her knees and Scotty dosent know!!! That movie is ******* funny.
yaktazuki 0
You should have written ***** on her window
Hjelloo 0
All women are ******.