Today, I went to Walgreen's for a tub of Vaseline. The old guy at the counter looked at me, winked, and said, "Not having too much luck with the ladies, eh?" He was right. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to Walmart to get some acne cream. As I approached the register, I looked in my wallet for the money. The cashier saw that I didn't have enough money, and before I could say anything, he goes, "Just take it, I've never seen anyone who needs it this much." FML
Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML
Today, I needed to buy Vagisil. I went to the grocery store so I could use the self check-out. My item rung up incorrectly, so a girl came to help. She was new and having trouble, so she called more people to help. I ended up having five people around me talking about my Vagisil purchase. FML
Today, I made eye-contact with a cute guy in a store. Too bad he saw me buying anti-diarrhea medicine. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML
Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML
Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML
Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML
Today, I went to the Walgreens by my house and bought 8 body wash soaps because my boyfriend needs that much for 3 days. I’ve done this so many times that the girls at the register know me, and my boyfriend, by name. They gave me a bunch of $5 off coupons because they felt so bad for me. FML
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Top comments
pb_fml 0
Obviousy he hasn't either because he knows exactly what to do with that.
jennaleigh 0
This is gross, but pretty amusing.
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Comments (109)
amykillswitch 0
bahahah. that is amusing.
xandyx33 0
Should have said "I'm gonna have an ANAL sex orgy at my house. Aww, I would've invited you if you can get hard."
ZuRG_fml 7
Vaseline fails (impossible to clean up, gets tacky), KY fails (tacky). Astroglide is nice but it's a bit watery for my tastes. Silicone-based lubes like Eros are nice, but you can't use them with silicone toys and it's hard to clean up when you're done. "K, I don't need to be a waterslide anymore." My favorite is Liquid Silk. rawk.
Boowah 0
lawl, needz moar cowbell... but seriously, that old guy is my hero
chrisapoo23 0
haahahahhaha
MEGAJOSH 0
You should have taken a handful of vaseline and serviced his shriveled ****. It would have certainly stopped him from ever making remarks about your purchases in the future.
zachary918 0
Maybe you wouldn't have such trouble getting laid if you would actually spend a few extra bucks on real lube. Just saying. Not that lube will get you laid, but having a tub of vaseline in your bedroom is probably doing you no favors.
mariposa25 0
I have a vaseline story for you, only I was the cashier. This old guy was buying it, and when I went to ring it up the lid came off and my fingers slipped in. I told him that we needed to get him another one. He looked me up and down and said, "No. I want to take this one."
luxor21221 0
50, that's absolutely hysterical lolol!
Needlenose 0
@3, by saying that, that means you do too.