Today, I needed to buy Vagisil. I went to the grocery store so I could use the self check-out. My item rung up incorrectly, so a girl came to help. She was new and having trouble, so she called more people to help. I ended up having five people around me talking about my Vagisil purchase. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML
Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML
Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML
Today, I went to Walmart to purchase a pregnancy test. I chose my checkout line carefully, to make sure I didn't see anyone I knew. After choosing one, I realized it was 4 o'clock on the dot. Shift change. My mom's best friend took over the shift just as I reached the checkout. FML
Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping and treated myself to fresh flowers. At self-checkout, I scanned everything, paid and left. An employee ran after me to ask if I’d paid for the flowers. I’d scanned them as bananas, paying 68 cents instead of $12. I awkwardly scuttled back inside to “fix it.” FML
Today, I spent twenty minutes helping an elderly man figure out how to use the self-checkout. When we'd finished, he smiled, thanked me, then walked away… without paying for any of his groceries. The cashier assumed I was with him. FML
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
Today, I went through a self-checkout at a grocery store. The machine kept repeating, “Please remove the unexpected item in the bagging area.” After five attempts, an employee came over and discovered the “unexpected item” was my own elbow resting on the counter. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
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Top comments
Krittick 0
Hank: "'Vagiclean', huh? What's the matter, honey? Little extra cheese on the taco?" Mrs. Bittman: "Excuse me?" Hank: "No, excuse me. There's no tag on this. Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough. [SNIFF] Put a rush on that."
papillonrouge_fml 0
Wow. Now THIS is a true FML. You being careful, and the universe just being against you.
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Comments (114)
FFPianoDude 2
Hahaha, I gave a girl the herp once. :D
teesha_fml 0
sigh, will people never learn
bloodthorn 4
WAAA YOU WERE EMBARRASSED AT SOME PURCHASE WAAAA YDI for having an itchy ******, btw
im_in_love 0
messed up..
kevinwestonjonah 0
FAGGAT
lolkaela 6
congrats, asshole
Vagitarian1 10
After I die, I want to come back as a tube of Vagisil.
fairasfables 0
"Move your...Vagisil...to the belt!"
ImaBmyLonurTees 0
I don't get it. What belt? "Got a little extra sour cream on your taco? Someboy's baking bread and I think it's sourdough!"
fairasfables 0
Haha, I work in a supermarket, so my joke isn't really something most people would understand at first. The selfscan machine usually announces: "Move your...bananas....to the belt!" after they're weighed. Since she was trying to be discreet about her purchase and everyone gathered around to help instead, it was as if the machine blurted out her product to the world. ;p
quackquackquac 0
your supermarket has a belt on the self checkout? wow, here I was always thinking they had those spinny bag holders.
fairasfables 0
Haha, yeah. I guess we're fancy! The belt causes major problems, though.
dvd175 5
An odd purchase: Move your......nuts.....to the belt!
NGM_47 0
That must have been some interesting Vagisil....
kawa_fml 0
that's just unlucky, right there.
SaintJimmy 0
HAHAHA TROLLING!!! YDI for having tentacles instead of arms and legs!! HAHA!
leahlovesya121 0
you suck at life. and breathing.
RESTAREA 0
He is reverse trolling, and it worked, you are both morons for thinking trolling has rules
Greendarthpotato 0
#6 and #8, ur sarcasm detector isn't going off today. Of course he's not actually trolling, just making fun of ppl who do....
eatmydust 0
whats a troll? sorry, i tried to figure it out and couldn't...
soulonfire928 0
A troll is someone who deliberately posts something complety asinine to get attention. Hence, "don't feed the trolls".
papillonrouge_fml 0
Wow. Now THIS is a true FML. You being careful, and the universe just being against you.
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
My thoughts exactly. Irony is knocking at the door.
kitkatkelly 0
Just go through the regular checkout, no one cares.
live_my_life245 0
maybe she does....
ieatFMLforbreakf 0
agreed
waterynuggets 0
Embarrassing but it's ok. We really need to get over the stigma of these things.
Krittick 0
Hank: "'Vagiclean', huh? What's the matter, honey? Little extra cheese on the taco?" Mrs. Bittman: "Excuse me?" Hank: "No, excuse me. There's no tag on this. Price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. I repeat: price check on Vagiclean, aisle five. That's Vagiclean. We've got a customer down here with a full-on fallopian fungus. She's baking a loaf of bread and I think it's sourdough. [SNIFF] Put a rush on that."
waterynuggets 0
Me, Myself and Irene FTW
sixroses 0
LOL!
BikerMike 0
I thought of that movie also
dacman48 0
DUDE THATS FUNNY AS HELL!!! FTW!!
liyahh23 0
LMFAO(:
sk8rchick97 0
LMAO I LOL'd at this!! I love that movie!!(: u made my day(:
dryuminoru576 16
What movie is it from
caligurrl 0
haha u should b proud of great sex!! 3rd
Manutdfan539 0
3rd? I think not. And I never use the self checkout because every time you put something on the belt an alarm thing goes off and you can't continue until you take it off. Plus it's just annoying.
bexox 0
Because having a lot of sex is the only reason a woman would need Vagisil.