Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML
Today, while having dinner with my girlfriend's very religious parents, her mother called me a heathen and said she'd convert me one day. She wasn't kidding. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
Today, my girlfriend was excited because her uncle was coming for a visit. She started telling me stories about him, and the more she talked, the worse it got. I’m fairly certain uncle is a cult leader, and that my girlfriend was born into and brainwashed by a cult that got shut down by the police. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
deviable 9
If the Illuminati are gonna take over, at least your grandpa will be the most prepared.
ohmandapants 17
Listen to grandpa he is old and wise. You'll be sorry when that shit happens and you didn't take him seriously. And in any case, this shouldn't affect her opinion of YOU personally...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (139)
Screwie 25
Chips? Chips are nice, won't speak about the microchips though.
GuitarFail123 9
huh? im lost... is she talking bout potato chips or microchips in this comment?
btnhdude 0
She's Screwieng with your head! She's one of them!
Screwie 25
Both!
ohmandapants 17
#1: you're not funny..whatever joke you were trying to make fell horribly flat.
deviable 9
You can't eat microchips, unless you're a robot. That makes me sad.
GuitarFail123 9
haha wait i get it now lol
BigBacker 0
Why was OP worried about taken seriously in the first place? There lies your real FML...
13FTW 9
18, please enlighten us. I think me as well as the rest of the FML community are still completely mind ****** by the original joke. If you can even call it a "joke."
rofdoc 14
No, 58, I think she was talking about what you call crisps, but the rest of the world calls chips... Still not a funny comment though :/
krysxkatastrophe 14
Tell her gramps has dementia. I believe it and I wasn't even there.
soccerguy2 11
When he is ready for the attack and you arent, you will be sorry for this comment.
Manganimegrl 16
I agree with above totally.
ohmandapants 17
^ shun the non believer
deviable 9
If the Illuminati are gonna take over, at least your grandpa will be the most prepared.
kidwiththeface42 7
Sounds like a job for Tom Hanks.
pie29302930 0
His names actually Woody. Not Tom Hanks. Buzz Lightyear will be there too. With those little green alien things from Pizza Planet! Wait, wrong movie.....
rattusrattus 19
No he wont. We'd like to publicly announce that we gave up on the whole 'rule the world' thing; now we just have Trivia Pursuit every Friday. People aren't interested in sponsoring global takeovers anymore.
Alexisthebestest 16
The illuminati collapsed 225 years ago.
ilikecomments 0
No it didn't 87 go look at a dollar bill
Alexisthebestest 16
The Illuminati was a group that started in Bavaria in 1776, and was disbanded in 1784. Besides, I don't care for all that shit anyway.
NWO666 15
They got disbanded But they still exist
NWO666 15
"disbanded"
waltz 0
ur a loser
CryMoreFMLs 15
Please use decent spelling and grammar when insulting someone. You really lose effect if you yourself look retarded.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Good thing you saved time by cutting off "yo" and saying **** it to punctuation. Otherwise you wouldn't have gotten the chance to show off your grammatical prowess so close to the top.
maz255 10
No you'RE a loser...loser I will butter you up and slay you, just for the hell of it. I may be mentally insane, but at least I know 1st grade grammar...
waltz 0
y do u hate me
maz255 10
Same reason you called op a loser
lolololer 8
that is some pretty scary shit though :O
jacquesromualdez 12
Hey man, relax! It's not the end of the world... yet.
SilverInGray 25
Yeah, that comes after we get taken over.
foxbob 3
ahm... 'spent'
Bludmagnus 13
Okay... your grandfather is a total loon.
becauseitsme 0
Yeah, that's going to make them feel better. But relax, go with the story he is loosing it, it's easy, he is old. My dad does that, and acts all paranoid about the government, and we live in Canada! plus he isn't even 50 yet!
AnagenisisZagus 13
Fascinating, 34. Absolutely fascinating. I have been DYING to know your life story for some time now. Thanks a bunchies.
belkinbra 12
34 Shut up, noone cares about your shitty life.
Nutty4Muffs 3
Whoa 96... whoa.
ohmandapants 17
Listen to grandpa he is old and wise. You'll be sorry when that shit happens and you didn't take him seriously. And in any case, this shouldn't affect her opinion of YOU personally...
ilikecomments 0
Thank you for having a brain
Awesomehobo44 3
Well actually if you think about it... Micro chips being implanted in every human being on the planet is extremely unlikely, if you think about the nearly 6 1/2 billion people in the world, not to mention the expenses of the chips. Come on I'm twelve and so far from what I'm aware of, I've got far better logic than most of you.
sdroze1389 31
well you have to account for the 50% that will be killed for refusing to be chipped once the entire human race becomes a giant police state like in 1984
JoeLouisBomber 9
Be afraid,be very afraid.