Today, I went to visit my senile grandma, since she's ill and nobody else in the family visits her. I ended up having to sit through a long rant about the Illuminati, black people, and how we'd have a cure for the common cold already if it weren't for "those god damned foreigners". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML
Today, my grandmother tried to lecture me about discrimination. This is the same woman who lies about her grandchildren's race, and tried to convince a Jewish person that the Jews were responsible for the Holocaust. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML
Today, I went to visit my grandparents, as my grandmother may not have long left. When my stepfather wasn't grilling my visibly uncomfortable grandad about Bible passages, my mother was trauma-dumping about how hard her life has been, and how awful her marriage to my father was. They're his parents. FML
Today, I listened to my grandma monologue about how if my uncle was born first, my mother (and consequently, I) would not exist. I then got to listen to her rant about what a terror he was. Let's just say I learned and heard some things I'd rather have not known. FML
Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML
Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML
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Top comments
OysterPearls 33
Good on you for visiting her anyway OP, its nice that you took time out to see her even with all of her prejudices and such.
achoo123 13
I'm sure she appreciated your presence, since no one else see her.
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Comments (73)
MrThump 16
Old people are so awesome, they just say shit the way it is.
Keiraquarium 12
I'm not sure that sating things like 'we'd have a cure for the common Cold already if it weren't for those god dammed foreigners' is telling it 'the way it is'
lovit345 11
Your grandma is kinda messed up
ninka_fml 8
Well done for getting through it, OP. If she's senile and losing her touch with the world around her, nothing can be done. But you're definitely an awesome grandchild to visit her and be with her even if she is that way! I don't understand why people pick on what the old lady said since - as stated before - she's senile and not in full mental capacity any more. Pick on fully capable people who indulge in such rants instead.
dyscomonkee 12
Things were different in her day. The illuminati didn't rule black people and foreigners had different places in society. Older people don't tolerate change well. Did she know who you were still? If so keep visiting her.
so_this_is_me 24
She was obviously raised in another time where they had beliefs different from ours. When I went to visit my great aunt one time, I was telling her about my trip to Europe and she went on this long rant about "gypsies" and how all the "Afghanistan peoples" are ruining Germany. It was quite a challenge for me to sit through the whole rant without arguing with her.
gunner162 6
Hey! That sounds like my parents!
drrobotnik1 18
you know, when a family member is universally excluded by everyone else, there's usually a good reason
limitles 14
Stop complaining and visit your grandma more often. It doesnt matter if she sees pink hippos or believes in unicorns, she deserves a visit at the very least. She raised your family!
lostinareverie 21
Are we secretly related, or is this just an elderly person thing?
AnnaDontBeWeird 9
I bet she loves Donald Trump