Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML
Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML
Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML
Today, I was so tired this morning when I went to take a dump and instead of using a baby wipe, I used a Lysol wipe. Guess I don’t have Covid up my butt. FML
Today, I was elected to learn how to clean the birthing tub at the hospital I work at. Today, I also discovered that while blood doesn't bother me, floating chunks of afterbirth and god knows what else, will cause me to projectile vomit into said tub. Which I still had to clean afterwards. FML
Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML
Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML
Today, after being woken up with the intense urge to go to the bathroom, and having gone to the bathroom three times in the last hour, I finally realized I took two laxatives instead of two Midol. My ass is on fire. FML
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Top comments
MadPercussion 0
Label reading can be a useful skill.
THEmuffinpan 0
A series of three periods is called and "ellipses", and is a proper use of punctuation. L2 grammar Nazi nub.
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Comments (88)
skyttlz 32
Ow :(
DaveOnDope 4
I saw an old ad in a magazine that Lysol could be used as a douche when properly diluted. told my old aunt that was a nurse. she said idiots would show up at the ER after using it strate from the bottle
BisFitty 7
*straight
BayBeezy 0
wouldn't happen if the retard knew how to read....
01sparkly 15
That does sound like it hurts
LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 2
I love you.
lideke 1
I think I just fell in love with you mister LOLOLOLOLOsomething..
iLaurie 0
10- I read your bio; you are awesome! (:
whippymcdumb4zs 0
#14, you may read his bio, but your grammar tends to... initiate an inflammatory response in my eyes.
I_R_Genius 3
#31, Your grammar is bad as well. Too many periods and not enough capitalization. Please ,for the love of god, you're making my eyes bleed with your bad grammar.
FFML_314 12
You are a genius, 37!
THEmuffinpan 0
A series of three periods is called and "ellipses", and is a proper use of punctuation. L2 grammar Nazi nub.
omgshaylaaa 0
'and "ellipses"' really 41? Stfu while you're behind.
THEmuffinpan 0
Not saying I'm perfect by any means. iPhones and sausage thumbs don't mix at all. I think it's actually ellipsis anywho. I just don't like grammar douches.
FFML_314 12
It is, indeed, ellipsis.
BisFitty 7
What a simply delightful string of grammar Nazi grammar fails! You would think people would proof read when douching about about others' usage of the English language. Then again, it's the Internet, everyone has to be first idiot.
pussydestroyer29 0
its called an ellipsis dumbass
Epic_Phale615 0
#66 we understand... go back to your cave.
Epic_Phale615 0
#37 Don't be hatin'. Your comma placement is off.
mrack 0
first
MadPercussion 0
Label reading can be a useful skill.
FFML_314 12
Heh, you would think.
mrahhhhh 21
Label reading could have prevented her labial seething.
grandpaearthling 2
always read the label before placing in labia
RosiePatosie 0
Um that's sort of horrible.
unidentified_sta 5
... Sort of? Why so on the fence? Or does the idea of anything painful down there leave you incapable of a position.
BayBeezy 0
.....but that's why you WASH your ass before heading out to the doc's. pinche cochina
Thomaspaine 0
I'm sure the bleach cleaned and deodorized you, just what the doctor ordered.
fightingkittens 39
Hey, at least she was at the right place to have the issue dealt with.
iLaurie 0
Just because it LOOKS like a babywipe, doesn't mean it IS one.
btnhdude 0
oh LOOKSy, a rocket scientISt.
BisFitty 7
lame
KittehSayzRAWR 0
Hmmm, maybe you should have read more carefully...
LOLOLOLOLOLOL123 2
There was no fire involved thus, peoving that Gingers are the only 'Firecrotched' humans. Unless one dyes their pubic hairs red...
sublime2craig 0
Hey at least you got rid of those pesky crabs.
robin17_fml 1
Bahahahaha!!!!