Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a particularly nasty shit, I decided to do one extra pass with a diaper wipe. What I didn't realize was that my wife had refilled the normal container with a pack of Clorox wipes by mistake. My asshole has never burned so fiercely in my 30+ years of life as it did in those following moments. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML
Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML
Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
Today, while helping my wife clean the bathroom, I stepped in a puddle of neat bleach she'd randomly left by the shower door. I washed it off straight away but now an hour later I have burns on the bottom of my foot and can’t put weight on it. FML
Today, I was so tired this morning when I went to take a dump and instead of using a baby wipe, I used a Lysol wipe. Guess I don’t have Covid up my butt. FML
Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
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Top comments
lukesick1 12
Was there no label?
Zekfen 17
You should leave the anal bleaching to the professionals at the spa!
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Comments (14)
lukesick1 12
Was there no label?
LAUGHINGKOMODO 25
I'm not sure what to say besides hoping that wiping your ass made your family members not notice anything.FYL
Glowworm56 27
Seriously? You didn't try a tissue?
julfunky 29
Most people I’ve known don’t have any tissues in the bathroom.
Glowworm56 27
I have tissues in my bathroom, and paper towels.
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
Guess you had a HOT night. Alright, I'm on my way outside... No need to show me the way, I can find the door in my own...
thehaystackerine 20
It's called "reading." Top to bottom, left to right, group words together as a sentence. Take Tylenol for headaches... Midol for cramps.
ThrottleJockey 36
Shut up, Richard.
Zekfen 17
You should leave the anal bleaching to the professionals at the spa!
RichardPencil 32
So, you assumed they were baby wipes? We all know what happens when you ASSUME: You make your ASS a molten fireball of stupidity.
wanted_2_want 40
I bet your ass has never been sparkling clean ever before.
manb91uk 22
Well, you've got the ring of fire now
Lobby_Bee 18
You deserve it. There are labels on the packs which indicate they are not baby wipes, but you failed to read it.