Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
Today, I was in a store when a child looked at me and said to his mother "look at that tall man!" His mother replied "he's an evil giant isn't he, darling?" I then mimed being an evil giant to make the kid laugh. His mother slapped me. FML
Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, I was working in the produce department at my work. A lady came in to return some mangos. I asked her what the problem with the mangoes was. She said she didn't like the way they were talking to her. FML
Today, in last ditch attempt to be an adult, I trotted out to do my grocery shopping for the week. As I confidently strode through the produce aisle, I grabbed what I thought was a nice, ripe mango. At checkout, the cashier kindly informed me it was in fact a massive potato. FML
Today, I took my very talkative toddler to a grocery store. As we passed a woman in an aisle, my kid pointed and said loudly, "Mummy, why does that lady have such a funny face?" I had to awkwardly apologize while my face went beet red. FML
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Top comments
winsmithy 3
well, at least she didn't ask you if you wanted condoms.
DocBastard 40
Did you also pick up some orangs, gr-apes, and potato chimps?
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Comments (102)
emilyxorawr 3
moms these days....
Mervin22 6
can't live with them, can't live without them!
satomi_ishida 0
Lol #2 - moms are becoming funner. I'm so doing that to my own kids if I become a mom. xD
TXjuggalo972 6
can't live with them can't shoot them...
dayleno 1
Hahah. I laughed
skiier4life 1
exactly! should me an mlia....
melmeldolphin 8
Your mom sounds funny. Would she imitate an elephant to ask if you want peanuts?
DocBastard 40
Did you also pick up some orangs, gr-apes, and potato chimps?
cradle6 13
clever!
SulfurPlague 0
haha win!
eyorsdocjr 0
indeed
didoca 0
haha! love it
winsmithy 3
well, at least she didn't ask you if you wanted condoms.
RedPillSucks 33
^Win, What if she wanted to ask about suppositories.
Aerious 0
Asking for tampons would've been worse
DDPT2 4
How would one act that out? Stand up real straight, jump around violently for a minute or two, and go limp with a few convolutions!
PhishloverA 14
Haha yeah it's like someone's mom goes near the condoms and when their kid is far away the mom moans, or she sings "Trojan man!" as a way of asking her son if he wants condoms
SirEBC 7
You have the coolest mother of all time.
iridedressage 0
agree.
Chelsea_BaBeZ 1
^Agreed :) your moms amazing :p
EffinTrollFace 0
is it bad that turns me on?
rachilio 26
yes
agamid 1
haha! that's awesome!
Mervin22 6
What would she imitate if she was asking if you needed tampons? awkward!
do20ss 4
I doubt she acted out every single thing, although that would b awesome. sharades at the store, u have 30 seconds to guess the item, no talking, first word, tampons, go
HUGHJASSSSSSSS 0
Hahah that's great, go mom!