Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML
Today, it was Thanksgiving and the first time my boyfriend would be meeting my whole family. He was nervous so he started drinking. By the end of the night, he was belligerently drunk and kissed my aunt twice thinking it was me. FML
Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML
Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML
Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
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Top comments
Googolman 29
Maybe it was her way of saying thanks.
PenguinBitch 44
Looks like the turkey wasn't the only thing getting stuffed.
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Comments (51)
Stfu2048 9
New eyes aren't the only thing you'll need.
patrickeli 15
Ugh, that's disgusting. You need a new uncle.
Bragi 12
Your uncle is pimp. Be him.
vikky538 29
and so does she..needs new lips...
Migole 36
When things like this happen (if it really was a bj) I always wonder how little respect these people seem to have. Just like having sex in other peoples houses. I mean, wtf, can't you people contain yourselfes for a couple hours and not spread you body fluids on others possesions? I guess you wouldn't want someone to come over and lick/piss all over your dinner table and pillow ...
PooPinYoCherios 5
what ?
martin8337 36
Looks like someone else besides Santa Claus was coming to town.
sweetkickboxer 7
Mind your own business sonny!!!
quarterbird 18
Props to your uncle... But I hope that she didn't use your utensils or cups afterwards.
dncp1972 4
Maybe she just brushed her teeth... with your toothbrush
atvvstree 2
You need eye bleach