Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML
Today, it was Thanksgiving and the first time my boyfriend would be meeting my whole family. He was nervous so he started drinking. By the end of the night, he was belligerently drunk and kissed my aunt twice thinking it was me. FML
Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML
Today, my husband and I finally had the house to ourselves, so we had unusually loud sex. Banging bed, yelling obscenities, super rowdy, etc. I then see my mother-in-law out the window. She had let herself in, dropped off a bag and apparently ran out. Thanksgiving is going to be weird. FML
Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
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Top comments
Googolman 29
Maybe it was her way of saying thanks.
PenguinBitch 44
Looks like the turkey wasn't the only thing getting stuffed.
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Comments (51)
aliciavanham 13
Ewhl, i knew where that was going when you said: snuck off. Seriously a trauma for life if i were you.
TheMalygos 21
There could be so many other things that could've happened!
vipirius 18
What kind of sheltered innocent life have you lead that this is a "trauma"?
YepThatsMeee 23
#14 You might just commit yourself to a mental institution right away if you refuse to believe that people outside your own age group are having sex.
igive 29
Oh it's not that bad. Gross, but not life damaging. Seeing your grandma naked, now that's life traumtizing.
cmchappy 25
If only short term memory loss came in bottles
BecauseIAmBatman_fml 22
Maybe you can ask Santa for two new eyes for christmas.
WhatsUpJJ 9
It was a good dinner I'm guessing.
ChildrenOfFilth 12
She needed some gravy.
FelixJC 14
At first, I read this as your uncle snuck off with YOUR girlfriend. Glad it wasn't though. Still, FYL op.
davisjenny81 30
so Did I and I was going to say She was Cheating at games between the family
daddysgirl8 21
Oh shit, that's not what happened?
MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21
The holidays make some "happier" than others. Sorry OP!
2ru 14
She is a keeper!!!!
Duriexp 20
It was just a kiss, I'm sure.
keiNan_fml 35
who wipes their mouth after kissing?? do you??
evilamoebaattack 20
who knows? maybe the uncle was slobbery? i'm hoping against hope that they were just kissing, to be honest.
timmeeeee 10
Bangsgiving
eleven22 11
* Blow-giving
HairIsEverything 15
#35 Excuse me but aren't you like 12 years old? You're honestly making me sad because you think that's good, or cool...
eleven22 11
I was simply noting that they weren't "banging", it was implied in the FML that she was giving the uncle a *******
orbit 22
#36 her username clearly states she is eleven...or 23. I'm so confused now.