Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's extended family for the first time. Her family kept telling her how much I looked and acted like her older brother and I'm guessing by the end of the day she agreed, because now she pulls away and gags when I try to kiss her. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML
Today, what should have been a nice family dinner ended with my wife standing over me, staring me dead in the eyes, while endlessly repeating, “Get him out of my house, get him out of my house…” until I agreed to take my drunk brother to a hotel to sleep it off. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, I saw my sister’s husband kissing another woman in a restaurant. I lost it, flipped their table, and got the cops called on all of us. Turns out they’re poly and she’s their third. Or she was going to be. My sister is now mad at me for “scaring her off”. My bad. FML
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
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Top comments
coolster5000 22
Wow.
Welshite 40
Sorry to hear, OP. Cheaters are the worst.
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Comments (190)
coolster5000 22
Wow.
mwhpug 4
So its THAT kind of family...
CandyPewPewPew 29
Now go and grope your brother-in-law in front of your wife cause it is a tradition to her.
hashshim 23
My question is, how on earth could OP be so poorly acquainted with his in-laws that that his wife would think that would work.
ariiewilliams 17
I thought groping and making out with relatives is considered okay.
cryssycakesx3 23
to be fair #49, they could live far away, or they just started speaking. but obviously it's unfortunately not the case here.
negb 30
49 - that's what I was thinking! You wouldn't know your own brother in law?! Or the wife all of a sudden isn't an only child like she said for the past 20 years.
1tsmenoah 20
She must be related to that girl who wanted her uncle to film her and her boyfriend going at it
redrexrider 5
"I want to be more than siblings" -Redneck
drumguy218 11
shes a complete *****
Melix 31
The fact that it's called "broken vows" hurts me even more.
ShadowNinja445 12
Screw you 22. Its worse in Louisiana
JonBall 17
22 - Maybe they're from sutton, that shit is always going down there
SplineMan 4
That was MY first thought too.
EphMi 5
#105, well, that's taking it a little too far, we don't know if she got paid or not.
Welshite 40
Sorry to hear, OP. Cheaters are the worst.
asnakelovinbabe 16
26, You must be fun at parties.
ChristianH39 30
26 it's a figure of speech, go away
meli1195 31
People, it's called a joke,... Stop taking things so seriously
GEBEH 14
Where is the joke? Tell me, I can't locate it!
evandelafose 8
It is a figure of speech: calling something/someone "the worst" even though it's definitely not the worst. Taking things too literally makes it hard to understand English, sometimes.
kozzard 17
Error 404: Joke Not Found If you feel you feel that you have received this message in error, please try rebooting your sense of humor and try again later.
asnakelovinbabe 16
Oh FFS Lilaxx, just get over it already.
Scynistr 20
Is it fun to put your neck out somewhere it doesn't belong when you don't have to? Of course they know there are worse people than cheaters.. Do you get paid to correct people for being figurative rather than literal? Go with the flow of the fml and realize they were offering a form of comfort to the OP. You may hate when people aren't logically literal all the time.. But no one likes when people step on good intentions..
asnakelovinbabe 16
I have some news for you. If a woman or a man is in a committed relationship and they cheat, yes, that makes them a piece of shit. If you've got feelings for someone else sexual or emotional, it's not hard to do the right thing and break up with your significant other first. If you're not mature enough to do that you shouldn't be in a relationship, and yes people who intentionally lie, cheat, and hurt the one person that relies on them most, and lead them on, are every bit as scummy and worthless wastes of air space as rapists and murderers.
a_wiener_d0g 15
Do you live in Alabama? Because there is a strong possibility it could be the 2nd option if you do
Welshite 40
The FML specifies Canada.
olpally 33
The FML clearly states op lives in Canada at the top of the screen. Good grief. As for op, ditch the bitch.
a_wiener_d0g 15
#7 and #9 gosh you guys I was just trying to make a joke
ladystate 22
Says the guy in Georgia.
NoMore_CoolNames 14
It was still a terrible joke
FlyingPie 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#3 could have been browsing this site on a smartphone. The mobile version of this site doesn't show the locations for some reason. I think that should be added to the mobile site.
27inch 9
I have the mobile site and it clearly states the country/state right next to the username
falon142012 22
50, I'm on my iPhone and I can see that it's from Canada. Lol.
sweetprettykitty 10
yes it does on mobile, but not when you're reading the comments unfortunately...sorry correcting myself since I can't delete comment...yes it does say when reading the comments
hulopro 16
It only shows the country he's in not the state or province
a_wiener_d0g 15
#50 It says Canada on my phone, my attempt at a joke was just poorly thought out.
silverstream20 20
A pretty lame joke. As for OP, dump her ass you don't need to be treated like that. Find someone who appreciates you.
KittenSandwich 9
#50 I use the mobile version and yes it does show the location.
Redoxx_fml 22
Or Westeros
ItsATwinThing 9
No shortage of incest in Westeros...
Rozay333 36
Sorry OP, if she's cheating you don't need her anyway. You'll find someone eventually
summerlong 13
You'd think you'd know what your wife's brother looks like before you married her
jazzy_123 20
awkward moment when they look alike O,O
lillyanya 2
He might not have been able to make out proper features, could have been dark and maybe he left before they came out, only he has the answers
telli164 30
Your wife's a bitch OP.
amzing_a16 10
You don't say...
telli164 30
Yeah ok mate..
Rainhawk94 27
You wot m8?
telli164 30
U wanna go me m8?
GLaDOS8899 14
u havin a giggl m8? ill bash ur fockin hed in i swer on me mum Some people actually speak like that.
Wizardo 34
Well confront her properly and bring up the groping, clearly she's cheating and of course do what needs to be done. People like that are the devil incarnate.
the_zero_article 15
As Satan's official legal representative, I am obligated to clarify that Mr. Lucifer does not actually participate in this behavior, nor does he condone it. We will be suing OP's wife for impersonation and libel.
Cleu 12
Woo, if Satan doesn't condone then that really says something!
TheCerealKiller 24
This sounds like something you'd read on literotica waiting to happen.
cryssycakesx3 23
my favorite site :)
DippinGrizzly907 27
Amen to that girl!!! Same here!! What's your favorite category?? ;) hehe
Rainhawk94 27
#70 and #100, you need cats
False_Stupidity 42
No, that would be considered *********** and that's just nasty.
pwnman 33
Your wife is a dick.
TeacherTeem 21
You are what you eat.
Michaelgf 13
It's definitely family tradition.