Today, I went to a wake. When my dad picked me up, I was still pretty upset. Just when I'd had enough of death, the car hits a raccoon on the way home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, I drove home on my birthday, and my mom said she'd meet me there. I was a little surprised to get home and find she wasn't there, but even more shocked to see my rabbit run over in my driveway. Turns out he'd gotten loose and my mom had run him over, panicked, and left. FML
Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML
Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML
Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML
Today, I had to put my 17 year-old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, my dad is such an asshole, he pulled out into traffic because he was too impatient to wait, which is how we ended up in the middle of a funeral for 5 miles, right behind the hearse. It was the funeral of a friend's dad and now I have 87 missed calls from her, and I’m too scared to answer. FML
Today, I bought a new car. Twenty-five minutes into driving it home, I hit a deer. FML
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Top comments
thisiswilli_fml 5
Poor raccoon:(
Jemm_fml 29
A wake is a gathering some cultures have each night between the death of a person and their funeral. It's where family and friends visit the bereaved to support and assist for funeral preparations.
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Comments (87)
thisiswilli_fml 5
Poor raccoon:(
JesterJosh 5
I'm going to have people rage at me but- It's just a damn raccoon.
MichellinMan 20
36- regardless, I'm sure the sight of a pancake raccoon isn't pleasant, which obviously made OP feel worse.
MortenM 17
Agree with you #36. First world problems FTW
Tupelo_Honey 30
Sounds like your day coon't have gotten much worse!
cyttex 13
One of these again? Anyway it's ok op remember the past and look to the future.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I raccoon animal puns will be popular here.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Please don't badger me for my efforts, with unpheasant comments about roadkill. You will be outfoxed.
StompinOnCrayons 15
Guess there's no more racoon-a matata
SJParker 13
pardon my stupidity but what is a wake?
Jessa91 10
Part of a funeral.
Jemm_fml 29
A wake is a gathering some cultures have each night between the death of a person and their funeral. It's where family and friends visit the bereaved to support and assist for funeral preparations.
rdenkewicz 11
You are not pardoned. This site is for ridiculing stupidity!
JustinKirby 20
Well it's a good thing you don't know what it is, you probably haven't had much deaths in your family.
RedPillSucks 33
How is this stupidity? Even if you look at dictionary.com, it's not the first definition there. Granted, you'll find it eventually if you read all the definitions. Just because someone's not familiar with english doesn't mean they're stupid.
SJParker 13
56- I assumed the worst to avoid ridicule
Pevira 15
56- I am fluent in English and I still didn't know what it was.
zsshamalama 11
This isn't reddit.
vodkadance 8
A wake, at least in Australia, is a gathering held after the funeral. The funeral is the time for mourning, the wake is the time to share memories and celebrate the deceased's life over some food and drinks.
incoherentrmblr 22
If you've ever opened a beer during a eulogy...
Jemm_fml 29
F that racoon's life.
shyeahh_fml 19
Well, you know what they say... All raccoons go to heaven!
kristalynA 7
I hope you feel better OP but death is part of the cycle of life.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Unless you're Nicholas Cage since he's a vampire.
Kiki242 19
In the circle of life....
Polynomial 28
R.I.P. Rocky
caver1 14
Wow sorry
Kamon97 23
Sorry that you're going through a tough time OP but things will get better over time :)
CarbonCoach 11
Poor raccoon. Fyl op I know how you feel.
persianninja 23
It's the circle of life death happens but so does life
ksks1234 33
And now that song is stuck in my head...