Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, I was dragged by my dad to the gun range for his pipe dream of a competitive shooting team. Apparently, plinking away on .22s while he and his ex-military buddies compare guns and trade sci-fi war stories until 7 PM is more important than the two research papers I'd set aside to write. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to join my friends for a game of paintball. I got shot in the same spot three times in a row. It turned out to be my own team, who mistook me for the enemy because I was wearing… camouflage. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having, I shot at him with the sniper gun I'd bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was OK. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML
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Top comments
PenguinBitch 44
Shoot him in his steroid-shrunken balls.
jkmartinjk 16
That was an EXTREME amount of adjectives.
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Comments (122)
Anubis_81 21
That shit isn't cool hey. Fucknut sounds like a good adjective for this guy.
Psychs7 11
You have a gun, he has muscles, guns were invented to win that match up. Normally there would be the fool notion of the morality in killing him for breaking your shoulder, however you're in luck. Paintball guns are mostly non-lethal, empty clip, load gun, empty clip, repeat. I'm gonna YDI for the simple fact that your lack of retaliation will bother you for the rest of your life.
llama612 27
You sir are a ******* idiot.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
You're a cretin, what part of "broken shoulder" didn't you understand? Do you realise how in absolute agony OP must have been? Plus he is better off suing that childish brute for assault. Intelligence vs Muscles.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
You're a cretin. What part of "broken shoulder" didn't you understand? Do you realize in how much agony OP must have been? Even then, what's the point of assaulting back an asshole who thinks it's fair to brutally attack people his son's age to win a game? OP is better off suing his ass. Intelligence vs muscles.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
#34 You're a cretin. What part of "broken shoulder" didn't you understand? Do you realize in how much agony OP must have been? Even then, what's the point of assaulting back an asshole who thinks it's fair to brutally attack people his son's age to win a game? OP is better off suing his ass. Intelligence vs muscles.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
You're a cretin. What part of "broken shoulder" didn't you understand? Do you realize in how much agony OP must have been? Even then, what's the point of assaulting back an asshole who thinks it's fair to brutally attack people his son's age to win a game? OP is better off suing his ass. Intelligence vs muscles.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
You're a cretin. What part of "broken shoulder" didn't you understand? Do you realize in how much agony OP must have been? Even then, what's the point of assaulting back an asshole who thinks it's fair to brutally attack people his son's age to win a game? OP is better off suing his ass for the medical expenses. Intelligence vs muscles.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
#34 You're a cretin. What part of "broken shoulder" didn't you understand? Do you realize in how much agony OP must have been? Even then, what's the point of assaulting back an asshole who thinks it's fair to brutally tackle people his son's age to win a game? OP is better off suing his ass for medical expenses. Intelligence vs muscles.
Psychs7 11
Oh please, I'm a cretin? Your the one yelling "lawsuit lawsuit!!!!!" it's pathetic and you should be ashamed of yourself. At least file criminal charges instead of trying to squeeze money out of the guy, like everyone else and their dog. Also a broken shoulder is no excuse for not firing a gun into a large target at close range, it only takes one hand and the sheer adrenaline will have helped mitigate the pain until later, anyone who has ever been seriously injured would know that. I've broken my nose, toe, clavicle, ribs and neck (a hairline fracture since I'm not dead or paralyzed) as well as dislocating various bones and ripping of my own toenail without anesthetic and the only time I couldn't move after was the neck thing. And none of that changes the fact that OP will always remember the story and feel angry and ashamed that he did nothing, we've all been there, we all have a story in which we failed to retaliate and it haunts us, and i feel sorry for him for that.
Psychs7 11
And one more thing, check the god damn address. The guy is British, like me, and in our culture we have something called free health care, we don't however have frivolous lawsuits. So chanting "sue him sue him medical bills are expensive" is not only pathetic it's retarded.
jpparkenbone 1
You are a moron and a jerk. I pray to god that you never procreate. Also, I think it's worth noting that I so desperately want you not to procreate that I'm praying as an atheist.
Psychs7 11
No #112 you are a moron and a jerk and evidently a wimp as well. And you can't be praying as an atheist because in order to pray there needs to be something receiving the prayer, what you are is an indecisive dickwaffle.
sirjuice35 11
lol some people take paintball waaaay too seriously
coalbert 4
From one paintballer to another you should have double taped his ass before he had a chance to get to you
EvaWarrior 8
considering the description OP gave us of the father, I doubt that would of stopped him
Geary519 20
you got owned!
junkman6 22
He got owned IRL(and probably laughed at) so he came online for sympathy! Lol
Dracospinks 5
I don't think I've ever read such a vivid FML.
lwgborton 1
haha DadLAD
jem970 19
If that had been me I would have switched my gun over to the other shoulder and lit his ass up! That was beyond uncalled for and you should file battery charges against this guy. Also, I like the term "fucknut." I will use this.
obviousboy 8
I feel like if he lifts weights, he isn't a wanna be alpha male.
Enslaved 38
How cool would it be to own a wallet that said "Bad ************" like in "Pulp Fiction"? Hopefully if lost-- it'll get returned.