Today, my boyfriend complained that I only respond to his flirtations with exasperation and annoyance. Apparently, grunting and humping my leg like an ill-mannered dog while I'm trying to wash dishes is his way of flirting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping me and saying, "But I'm horny" in a goofy voice isn't a turn on. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML
Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend of 3 years saying that his back is always hurting to avoid putting in any work during the bedroom Hokey Pokey was his way of saying I’m a lame screw. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
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Top comments
mrlawlor7777 26
Smack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper next time and say "bad Fido".
Lorenzo1102 21
Apparently I've been doing it wrong for the last 4 years
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Comments (74)
AGB10 19
You mean that isn't a turn on for you as much as it is for us boys?
starile 20
If he wanted her attention, maybe he should be doing the dishes.
SMHsohard 22
At least he doesn't do it when she's taking something out of the oven, like mine likes to.
IAmzephyr 22
great logic 24. do dishes, get sex
dannnngthatsux 19
#37, is good logic. always reward good behavior.
Mightytall 35
At least he isn't going full on caveman on you. Humping and grunting is comparatively nice :-)
leogachi 15
No.
Mightytall 35
Nobody likes jokes anymore...
allplayedout 20
Practice more.
SadLittleTurtle 11
In all honesty, I don't see why #2 got downvoted so much. It's kind of true... as soon as OP said 'humping and grunting', I imagined a cave man... you guys who are downvoting are too harsh.
Algorithm 24
We do, 28. When they're funny.
iLike2Teabag 27
Throw the dog a bone, then. Or rather, let him throw you a bone.
spatula232 25
Can you imagine if this was the common practice for flirting?
91hayek 31
Well we're pretty close to primal flirting already aka twerking and stuff. In the animal kingdom they call that PRESENTING.
Lorenzo1102 21
Apparently I've been doing it wrong for the last 4 years
KayDee29 31
You just made my day.
spatula232 25
Profile picture is fitting
VoldooPed 20
It's the thought that counts.
mrlawlor7777 26
Smack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper next time and say "bad Fido".
Cass_x 22
Made me laugh really hard. Thanks, I needed it :D
mrlawlor7777 26
You're welcome. I was also thinking about positive reinforcement for good flirting, aka rub his belly and call him a good boy.
Dre27 20
Try doing the same to him
Exaspera 55
He'd think she was taking him up on the offer.
NickEd 11
Next time tell him to sit and call him a bad dog
KwtWaffles 15
spray some water on him and yell at him "keep calm boy!"