Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, I was dragged by my dad to the gun range for his pipe dream of a competitive shooting team. Apparently, plinking away on .22s while he and his ex-military buddies compare guns and trade sci-fi war stories until 7 PM is more important than the two research papers I'd set aside to write. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to join my friends for a game of paintball. I got shot in the same spot three times in a row. It turned out to be my own team, who mistook me for the enemy because I was wearing… camouflage. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I saw my dad's friend across the street working on my neighbor's roof. To continue the airsoft war we'd been having, I shot at him with the sniper gun I'd bought. I hit him, and he fell off the roof. I ran over to see if he was OK. It wasn't my dad's friend. FML
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Top comments
PenguinBitch 44
Shoot him in his steroid-shrunken balls.
jkmartinjk 16
That was an EXTREME amount of adjectives.
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Comments (122)
jkmartinjk 16
That was an EXTREME amount of adjectives.
chanellgymnast 17
Lol at "fucknut"
Nekogami 14
I think pleogasm is more accurate considering he likely considers this fml an eyegasm. Hehe.
EsotericBrent 29
I love the anger in this one, so vivid.
AKGirlinSD 20
^I agree with you. I had a movie scene all played out,in my head, while reading the FML post.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Pleonasm where the heck are you!? You've been summoned!
Eliseopwns 22
He shoulda just knifed instead. Either way, FYL. Sorry man.
Reaper1984 13
its only legal if he yells WA POW
picante72 24
Or "CLOTHESLINE!!"
Axipiter 24
Or "Roadhouse".
JakeyRage 5
Or "Take a seat BITCH!"
MrPlopper 9
I kept thinking of that joke "it's not rape if you say surprise" as I was reading these.
hipsterhunter 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Or "I'm a wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic!" Am I doing it right?
vocaloidtiger 12
77 - No.
BradTheBrony 19
Or "myparentsareDEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" in a really deep, rough voice.
Bubbelz 25
Or "Trustfall!".
picante72 24
116-I got the reference. THIS ISN'T A CAAAARRR!!
PenguinBitch 44
Shoot him in his steroid-shrunken balls.
WingedLovely27 20
He wouldn't have balls to shoot at anyway!
picante72 24
Why does he even carry a gun if he isn't going to shoot it?
Isoldael 27
Maybe he broke OP's shoulder first and then shot him?
Eliseopwns 22
Unless you're playing the "pro" type of paintball (speedball) shooting at close range is highly discouraged. You're supposed to make your opponent surrender at close range.
Catkam623 27
You can also bunker if you're playing advanced.
lambda_fml 40
#8 those are the side effects of taking steriods. If you take steriods you cant use your 'Gun'.
teddy4nyy 13
Exactly what I was thinking. Sue that bastard.
BeccaHugs 17
Make him pay for the medical bills. Shit's expensive.
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
He's from the UK :) we have the NHS here, so it's free
gc327072 31
Manure is actually pretty cheap.
Devilpuppy0861 7
Yay 35, now he can wait 6 months to be treated. God bless socialized medicine, us plebeians are to dimwitted to take care of ourselves without big brother to tell us what to do.
Fsvb 32
@95 If I understand you correctly, yes, a lot of people are to dumb to take care of themselves.
little_one 20
Yes god bless socialized medicine. It saves lives and when you are in possibly the worst situation of your life you don't need to choose between bankruptcy or your child's life. If I cut off my finger I wouldn't have to pony up thousands of dollars to have it reattached how awful! Who would want that! *eyeroll*
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Whatever man I'm just ****** glad we have the NHS! Knowing that money won't get in the way of your family's health -possible saving them in a life or death situation- is deffinately a good thing :)
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
*possibly
fishstick557 14
Sue him that isn't cool and it isn't right
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Why is it that every single FML seems to have at least one person suggesting a lawsuit? I'm not saying it isn't justified in some cases, but lawsuits don't magically solve everything.
Axel5238 29
Agreed, people are lawsuit happy, but this is one circumstance where it would be justified.
fishstick557 14
Okay just let some guys dad get away with breaking your shoulder it's totally fine dude
SillyGirl4602 23
26- I agree that people always say to sue someone. They usually tell the op to sue and it is for the most ridiculous reason. In this case, I think that if op sued then it would be justified.
exodeus 9
Well, Americans are lawsuit happy I'd say. Still I know if it was me who was injured by this I would follow up with criminal charges, I wouldn't care it was my 'friend's' father.
noelasis94 18
Choke slamming works well for pro wrestlers
KareBear7364 5
should have shot him in the balls.