Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I farted while asking a girl out to dinner. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Great date, thanks!
Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML
Elephant
Today, I farted in my office, assuming nobody would come in until the smoke cleared. The new girl then came in to introduce herself. She had her hands on her nose the whole time, while we both awkwardly tried to ignore the stank elephant in the room. FML
Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML
Prankster
Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML
The Sweet Smell of Success
Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML
Romance is dead
Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend that I loved her and that I never wanted us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to go to the bathroom. FML
Bigmouth Strikes Again
Today, I was finally able to get to know a girl at university who I'd been eyeing up for months. We had a nice conversation. We discovered that we live in the same area, and so we talked about that. I told her that the little restaurant under my house was really disgusting. Her parents own it. FML
Top comments
beacbum7 7
Maybe she wasn't interested so she tried to get you to dislike her?
Mr_Mole 24
I'll have her instead then. There's nothing wrong with a down to earth girl that finds that funny.
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Comments (140)
furry_fml 6
Dump her
Drigr 9
That's a little harsh. For all we know OP didn't help the situation by creating conversation off his own. And hey, if she's that open about farting, she must really dig the guy.
asianswag 6
Don't you mean "Marry her"?
Osito2011 9
She's a keeper
patrickalamo 48
Check please... Before she rips another one.
Stormdriven37 6
Why do all girlfriend-related FMLs always have that one person who comments this, or something to the same effect?
Posthuman 26
69, it's because they envy the fact that the OP has/had a relationship and they don't
furry_fml 6
All of you are stupid. The way OP made the FML made it look like they did not enjoy the fact that that was the only thing she said. It seems like they did not like her farting and that dating her was awkward, so if you take it the wrong way fine, but don't be a complete moron
LiterOfCola 16
Everyone's so harsh on the "dump her/him" comments. Think about it, though. They aren't in a serious relationship yet; they've simply "been dating" which sounds rather casual. When you're just starting to date someone, something like this could easily make you not want to go out with the person again.
BellaBelle_fml 23
I don't care who you are, how old you are, or where you're from, farts are universally funny! Although, I do agree that there is a time and a place for such behavior and conversation. And on a date in a restaurant isn't exactly it.
iheartFML69814 2
How punny. Farts...dump her
mrFTW 3
Wow. Pathetic. Ditch her
DKParth13 5
No actually ... She's a keeper!
domking1315 20
Shes a stinker!
emilyjgraham 34
for farting? you're gonna be in for one hell of a surprise when you enter a relationship!
fuzz97 23
no, 2 is actually correct. Girls that act like "one of the dudes" = grossest, most undesirable thing ever. OP is better off finding a woman who actually does woman stuff.
zingline89 18
59 - Speak for youself. Not everyone likes the same thing in a girl and your generalization is very close minded.
aloring 14
What exactly does woman stuff include?
ninjadinos 14
Oh! I have an idea. How about women act however they want and be themselves, and not just do "woman stuff" to please men.
asianperry 8
By "woman stuff" you mean making the guy a sandwhich? You seem like one of "those guys."
pzychosys 5
"Women stuff"? Sorry to burst your safe little bubble but womens' bodies act the same as mens'. Quit being so immature.
silbot 11
2- You've OBVIOUSLY been in lots of relationships...
Harpy20 24
59- I can be lady-like as well as 'like one of the guys'. My husband loves it.
Kn0wledge123 21
Alright, I'm gonna play Devil's Advocate. I see what 59 is saying, although he said it in a very stupid sexist way. Lets be frank here folks; yes guys do enjoy a woman who can kick back, have a beer, watch the Heat game (LeBron, Bosh, Wade, whoo!) and kick ass at Call of Duty. But at the end of the day, we still want a woman. Not necessarily "bitch back to the kitchen and make me sammich", but one who's classy and keeps herself up. Lady in the streets, freak in the bed? Y'all know what I mean. I'm sure if none of you are slobs around your boyfriend. Sure, there are times where you fart in front of him, need to burp, don't wear any make up and have your bad hair days, but that's not ALWAYS like you're one of his boys. If that was the case, he would be dickin down his friends, not you. So by "lady stuff" I don't think 59 is talking about "never fart in my presence EVER - I am man hear me roar". But that a conversation on how heinous her fart was is not exactly "lady like". Especially in a public area. Tell me that at home or over the phone. Y'all feel me? I do apologize if I sounded sexist. I really am not. *gets ready for oncoming flames and down votes*
jesustitts 20
Actually if I were to fart in public and manage to clear a room and was with my husband at a restaurant in public I'd brag about it. Because that'd be most likely when it would come up. If you're uncomfortable about your body around your husband, good luck living together. My husband talks to me while I'm ******** or pissing and vice versa. Plus he also checks if I have problems. He's like my little doctor, only not getting paid for it. If you can have sex with a man, but can't handle your own farts, you've got problems.
Kn0wledge123 21
Ok I probably didn't explain myself well. Not saying you have to be uncomfortable about your own bodily functions. That's nonsense. A conversation like that I'm sure is hilarious...in private. I would say the same for a guy as well. If I were to go to a restaurant, took a dump or huge fart, then came back to the dinner table and bragged about it, I can't complain if the woman I'm with never wants to see me again. Maybe I was raised with a snobby etiquette, but I don think that's proper conversation in a public area. Perhaps the woman is already comfortable with OP and thought it would be fine to talk about, he obviously feels different. I don't think he should dump her, but he should say something.
LouisianaBob 9
I don't know about that, 43, is she cleared out a chunk of her office with her gas then she may not be enjoyable to be around.
DerrickJames 33
It always stinks when they're not the one.
AKGirlinSD 20
I think she was lying! Girls don't fart, burp, or poop. Sorry she wasted your time though.
beacbum7 7
Maybe she wasn't interested so she tried to get you to dislike her?
cr3ativity 15
This makes the most sense so far. Honestly, even though I have met girls who are to say the least, not very hygienic, all girls I have met do not readily talk about their body's gastrointestinal functions, unless when openly discussing intimacy with a partner. Having said this, OP's "Girl [OP] was dating", just might be very open and want to build bonds. But that will be a story for another comment.
lexxiii 17
I agree. I'm not sure what this girl's personality is like, but I remember a year or so ago, I went on this date with a guy. During the date, I realised how odd he actually was and I wound up talking about gross stuff like OP's date because I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't like him after he took me out to dinner and paid for my meal. (And I offered to pay but he refused.) I was hoping it would turn him off so much that I would not be receiving any calls from him again.
ambowew 7
Agreed. Was totally expecting her to take some tips from White Chicks and start gnawing off her toenails.
catanita 18
Dump her. This is not a thing to brag about. She's a stinky.
Osito2011 9
I think it's cute when a girl you are "Dating" farts or talks about farts. It usually means they are very comfortable enough with you and themselves. She's a keeper
walmartpaysme 15
Fun fact: Men and women average the same number of farts per day. Men brag about it all the time. Maybe OP's girlfriend grew up with a lot of brothers and she is more comfortable with talking about bodily functions because of it.
freakguy455 0
Keeper......
OhAidan 7
Well... It is a big achievement, isn't it?
MormonPornstar 7
Sure is. I have managed to make two people throw up due to my farts over my lifetime. The only way I'm proposing, is if she can out fart me. Shred ass, ladies...
Mr_Mole 24
I'll have her instead then. There's nothing wrong with a down to earth girl that finds that funny.
ICastillo 25
She is going to Dutch oven the OP when there sleeping together.
AKGirlinSD 20
Then you're a keeper! You do know that girls fart, burp, and poop. And like you, I do find those topics funny.
AKGirlinSD 20
78, 7 will make a war out of it.
benmec 18
Ahhhh! I'm in love! Exactly my kinda girl :)
ICastillo 25
81 some battle farts..
xxxInsanexxx 9
One thing is having a sense of humor, and one thing is class. This is on the line.
melij99 5
Hey, some people take that as a badge of honor. A smelly badge, but a badge none the less.
LaLince 40
YDI. Why didn't you begin with another conversation theme?
cr3ativity 15
Or at least try a different topic/ tangent? Step1: Farting discussion Step 2: Compliment her. Step 2b: ask to see the "weapon" Step3: compliment her cute butt Step4: "if you know what I mean" look Step5: Legen-dairy.
lambda_fml 40
If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but bitch aint one. Okay that wasnt very clever.
RussianFox 13
If you knew it wasn't clever why did you even post it in the first place?
DontThumbMeDown 8
Probably so he could be at the top.
ExplodingToaster 6
No, no it wasn't.