Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML
Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML
Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Today, I went on a date and to lighten the mood a little, I told her that I had kissed a guy drunk and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket. She clearly didn't get it, and was so horrified that she went home and posted what I said on the internet. FML
JessiGoose 0
Haha!!! That's a winner in my eyes. I don't think this is fml, it's just funny and cute.
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Comments (166)
ashiezorz 2
Nothing wrong with that..?
AntiChrist7 0
"I kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare" is to be translated as: "I kissed a guy and pretended it was a dare because I am a closet homosexual"
SliceOfVanilla 0
I don't understand how this is bad?
fmylife_alot 0
lol, if a guy said that to me, id reply with "oh my god, youre adorable. get in my pants".
Ligerie 0
thats a little mean for a 21 year old to say to girl of 14, but at the same time a 14yo shouldn't be telling strangers to get in her pants.
The_Pleb 0
And ugly guys cant get in anyones pants, so now your post is irrelevant.
Plumppotato 3
except their own. unless they got too big and dont fit in them anymore...
wazdog 4
Anyone care to explain how this got through the mods?
fmylife_alot 0
good point... how DID this get through???
SekC 0
In other words. "FML because the guy thats into me is really honest and has a cute streak." +1
feminist19 0
he kissed another guy, thats disgusting, do not take things any further with him, obviously.
Lonely_Lez 0
You're disgusting.
judgeymcjudge 0
Oh, **** off.
Erranty 0
A friend of mine was openly Bi all through Highschool, then later he settled on girls because he didn't feel different with either, but there were more pretty girls than pretty guys. Now he's just straight, going out with his highschool sweetheart, and works at a gourmet grocery preparing all kinds of fish.
feminist19 0
whats your point here?its not like he's making sausages
hvitfeldtska 0
he was "Bi all through Highschool" and then suddenly turned straight because he just wanted to? yeah sure, i totally believe that...
Plumppotato 3
"he settled on girls because he didn't feel different with either, but there were more pretty girls than pretty guys." did you even read what he said or get half way and feel the need to make an ass of youself? no offense.
hahahaidontgetit_fml 5
and this relates to the FML how???
redbluegreen 41
Well you were probably going to find out about the blanket anyway.
Plumppotato 3
bow chika bow wow
growingupnextmon 3
All I know is I want silk blankets.