Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML
Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML
Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Today, I went on a date and to lighten the mood a little, I told her that I had kissed a guy drunk and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket. She clearly didn't get it, and was so horrified that she went home and posted what I said on the internet. FML
JessiGoose 0
Haha!!! That's a winner in my eyes. I don't think this is fml, it's just funny and cute.
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Comments (166)
IronWarrior 9
I'm fairly certain the silk blanket is a non-issue. I would love a silk blanket. I bet it would feel amazing on my naked balls while I sleep. And I'm sure my girlfriend would like the feeling of silk on her naked body too.
fancypants482 0
I don't see the problem. The only way he is gay is if you look like a man. Don't post FML while you're high please.
Livin_Loud 0
They need a "you're a dumbass for posting this" button...
madielyse 0
Yeaah, well the dude is pretty much saying, "I will kiss you, not drunk & let's bang on my $400 Victoria's Secret blanket". I don't see a problem there.
nodbor 11
Wait until he pulls out the strap-on for you to put on.
Polionixon 2
hahahahhahahahahaha
DameGreyWulf 1
I don't get it. Why is this an FML again? "I did a drunken dare and I have an expensive blanket." .... so...?
suzsmith 0
um... we've all done drunken dares before. And that blanket is probably really soft!
burbujas15 0
Hahahahahah! Now THAT'S what you call honesty. Take the blanket!
pizzaflesh177 0
ask him if he still has the blanket
HighLife19 0
Haha, at least he's honest.