Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was grocery shopping when I left my cart to grab an item. I returned, and started pushing the cart again. Halfway through the store, a furious lady confronted me, demanding her cart back. I had to walk back in shame to find my own actual cart, which was now nowhere to be found. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML
Today, I was walking out of the grocery store when out of nowhere, a car backing up pretty fast sped down the parking lot and hit me, causing me to fall down and drop all of my groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML
Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
Today, I was getting food at a buffet. Suddenly, my mom appeared and started screaming at a guy for pushing me. I wasn't pushed by anyone, I just tripped over nothing. The poor guy looked so confused and embarrassed, and my mom wouldn't let me defend him. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML
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Top comments
Radix 3
It was me, sorry :)
linkinpark98 24
Maybe you're just considered really attractive by the ghost who owns the fruit section. ;)
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Comments (199)
DocBastard 40
Lettuce: Oh yeah, you like that? You like it rough? Carrot: RUN LADY! He's stickin' me up there next!
Softballchhickk 11
are you sure you didn't bump into something?
linkinpark98 24
I don't think a vicious slap is equivalent to bumping into something. :P
Softballchhickk 11
I don't know, who knows.
Awsumuzzie 12
I know you don't know, 29.
Softballchhickk 11
well yeah, obviously. lmao:P
TheMathMajor 26
I was thinking that maybe her underwear elastic just snapped and it felt like a slap.
Softballchhickk 11
that's true
EyesofStone 27
Perhaps a poltergeist? They're known for being a bit raunchy.
kandi_kid69 15
16- They're after her liver next..
French_Toast_fml 3
These days, you can't go shopping without worrying about being assaulted by produce.
challan 19
Made me lol :)
21jason 9
If it makes you feel less crazy next time I can slap your ass and not run
perdix 31
Wait until you see what you get when bend over the meat counter! Wear a really short skirt and you'll get some loins, on the house. ;)
kingsley_fml 8
Perhaps some loose meat as well? A t-bone steak?
perdix 31
Loose meat, tight meat. It's all good :)
KriiFahMoro 9
I have a feeling that we're talking about vaginas right now...
murdersquirrel 15
146 - Are you Carlton from Fresh Prince?
speshlk37 13
It was ten years ago today when that old pervert died of a hear attack in front of the snow peas...
fuckmebutdontfml 16
maybe you were in such a need for a good slap in the butt that you felt it :)
Feared 9
No, Ninjas aren't vicious. If they slap your ass, it's in a more silent deadly way.
2dog 15
You might just be!
pagullarka 9
Could have put little sugarcoating on it