Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML
Today, I pooped in a drug store bathroom but forgot to flush. I left to go find my mom and found her in the toy section. I guess after I had walked away oblivious, a woman had walked into the bathroom behind me and found the kids I'd abandoned. She then came and found my mom and me, then yelled at me. FML
Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML
Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML
Today, while I was shopping, I spotted a lady who had the last of an item I wanted in her cart. She went off to the dressing room, so seeing my opportunity, I went and grabbed it from her cart, and put it in mine. I hadn't noticed her bratty-ass daughter next to the cart, who then yelled, “I saw that! Mommy! Some lady's stealing from your cart!” FML
Today, I caught and kicked a shoplifter out of my store. The shoplifter was my mom. FML
Today, at the local mini-mart, I saw an old friend from high school and decided to surprise her with a hug from behind. Turns out, it wasn't her. It was a complete stranger who screamed, then whacked me with her purse. Now I’m banned from the shop. FML
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Top comments
SneakyCaveman 13
Is grabbing your mother's ass a normal thing for you?
Dadothy 8
Even if it was your mom why would you grab her ass?
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Comments (314)
SneakyCaveman 13
Is grabbing your mother's ass a normal thing for you?
Viciousstorms 7
There's no way OP didn't deserve this. But now I'm curious which American state he/shes in. It could explain a lot.
Welshite 40
#21: Another stereotype? Dear God...
Dadothy 8
21- How would that explain anything? That's not normal in any state.
MrHavic113 3
Have people not learned from all the other FMLs like this one?!
blcksocks 19
Yeah I had to read the FML again to ensure if OP if fact did say "mom". If grabbing mother's ass in public is normal for OP, then I don't even want to know what goes on inside that house.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
"Honey I got your whittle weenie. Ha ha jokes on you!". "Oh mother, you're such a joker." I think it'd go something like that..
SooperSuper 2
I dont think that's weird at all..
19646 1
Maybe OP is a girl? I've grabbed my mother's ass before in public just to give her a little scare too.
Tzofi 11
Maybe it's a cultural thing. In my family, that's a practical joke. *shrugs*
gingerwithsoul_fml 6
That's just... No.
IceCreamMage 17
"it's alright guys! It's just my mother's ass!"
PandaSpots 10
In mine too. My family is Caribbean, and the old folks love to grab on the butt.
Futacy 30
What did you say after that? OP:"Oh sorry I groped you, I thought you were my mom."
Futacy 30
92- so you grab your mom's ass, good to know.
Awsumuzzie 12
It's cultural in my family also. My mom grabs dat ass. But usually the adults are "ok" to do that, but youngsters can't do it to adults. I wish it stopped at butt...
Sour_Diesel 13
What the hell is wrong with you op? O_o
PrimeEvilTahir 24
127 - I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia and I gotta agree. Ass grabbin' is quiet common over there. Guys do it to other guys too :S I personally never quiet adopted that ass lovin culture... - good country btw. I miss Riyadh every day :-(
fbear10 5
Its something we do in pakistan too, except we do grabbing and lightly kicking or punching so i never really get used to it :$
hornyrabbit12 8
I grab my mom ass for fun
_Oblivion_ 12
Man, if I was that woman I'd shit myself first and then proceed to beat the hell out of you with my 10 lb hand bag.
XxDevilxXGt 26
Wait but why is it normal for you to... Crap 10 people already beat me to that comment. >.<
Futacy 30
Eww! YDI, JUST YDI ALL OVER!!!
182crazyking 9
This is like the highest rated comment ever.
BulldogHoops 14
"Yeah... Is that wierd or something?"
BatemanFML 0
So let me get this straight... In some middle eastern countries, grabbing family ass is normal? I thought us Americans were weird
1awliet 8
In my country we kick ass, not grab it.
panda_burrito 2
It sounds to me that OP got lucky in this situation. Because, I mean, who the **** wants to grab their mother's ass?!?! Perhaps he/she thought this was MLIB.
N3766 20
Still normal compare to kiss her ass.
onlychildFTW 34
Why would a son want to do this to his mum? It seems like such an odd thing. Is this common practice in the USA? I know it isn't in Canada.
Raluxa 21
I can just imagine the explanation. "you see ma'am, I thought you were my mom...and...what? No, I'm being serious!"
Abbeygale 8
So from this FML, I now know that in some countries it's not only normal to grab your mothers ass but also the rest of your family's too... If I did that to anyone in my family I think they'd have a panic attack and send me away.
blushy 14
ok so i'm not the only one freaked out by this right
isaiaah 6
When I was young, and even now still, my mom pinches my ass. But she doesn't grab it that's weird. I know when I'm playing hockey and were celebrating a goal or a win we'll slap each others asses but that's common in a lot of sports
LolFMLnot 10
Was she at least good looking?
NightlyChecker 6
^There is a button for that.
redmonkey224539 9
That's the first thing I thought when I say this post
Futacy 30
220- Hell, no!
petraphotoDOTca 6
yeah, it's great to be a woman there. - if you like hell on earth. drive a car? NO! show your face? NO! leave the house without a man 'owner' (father/husband) DEAD! **** NO
MDTeddy 13
Next time make sure it is your mom. Also, it would have been better if it was a sister. It is still weird, but this would be more enjoyable.
secretbagofstuff 4
I think I have you on Facebook (the person with a cat for a profile pic)
happiestturtle 10
Oh my god that's so weird you can't grab your family members ass
Dadothy 8
Even if it was your mom why would you grab her ass?
MindFreakazoid 10
Because that's just logic to OP.
Wheredidgrungego 12
OP must be from the south.
elletex 8
Oh yeah, we're all a bunch of incestuous ass grabbers down here.
emily_lynne 2
Just because you are from the south, it dont mean you grab your mothers ass!
TBelle4Ever 15
Alabama, born and bred, and I am not an ass grabbin' hillbilly yall! My grammar is not bad. I made it bad in the first sentence to show people who think of the stereotype, about how we talk, are wrong.
Psych101 9
42- It seems you vastly underestimated the amount of southern people on FML. On an unrelated note, it sure is hotter than a fried squirrel in the middle of July down here. Y'all.
spazz666 18
103, Your grammar isn't all that great either. The commas in the last sentence were completely unnecessary. Yes, I agree that the stereotype of "hics" and "hillbillies" and "rednecks" having bad grammar is just that, a stereotype, but after all... All stereotypes have root in the truth. Nowadays it doesn't matter where you're from though, bad grammar has spread through the world like a plague.
Llama_Face89 34
131- your belt is undone.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
I dedicate a song to OP... I like big butts and I can not lie You other brothers can't deny That when your mom walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung...
realeah 4
103- Your spelling could use some help. It's "hicks."
PrimeEvilTahir 24
...let me modify the song a bit more... :-) You like big butts and you can not lie We other brothers can't deny That when your mon walks in with an itty bitty waist And a round thing in your face You get sprung... Much better ;-)
Drigr 9
131, I was taught that commas can surround a spot that is like a side comment. Something about if you can read it without the stuff in the commas, its fine.
Psych101 9
155- You should be able to remove what is in the commas and have it make sense. However, in your case, the commas were not only unnecessary but poor grammar. Commas are used to indicate a slight pause, which your sentence did not have or need.
Judahsh 8
Parentheses?
TBelle4Ever 15
131- Those commas were to indicate a pause in the sentence. 133- I never even mentioned the word hicks so how could I have misspelled it?
Drigr 9
173, I used two commas: one at the start to indicate who I was talking to, one at the end to indicate a pause.
bsmith9942 11
#195 if you didn't use hicks in the sentence, why do you think they were correcting you? They were correcting #131
TBelle4Ever 15
236- he had put the number 103 which was my comment number, that is why I was saying that.
bsmith9942 11
Lol that comment didn't say anything about you misspelling anything. It just said your grammar was less than 100%.
GodsLittleMistak 8
....Why would you do that to your mom anyway???
FtP_Benihana 0
Deliverance?
rocketshock 8
I slap my mom's ass. Is that considered as weird?:o
happyday123_321 2
Didn't yo momma teach you to not go around grabbing other people's asses?? Apparently OP's mom didn't....
winnie_moline 6
Yes it is. Shes ur mom not ur girl
SystemofaBlink41 27
175- i slap my mom in the ass, but i'm just playing around obviously... She does it to me too cause I get super pissed and she thinks it's funny... The point is, it may be weird, but it's not really "unacceptable"... Unless the son does it to get turned on, (*shudders*) then yeah, that's pretty....disturbing....
TwitchingNebula 17
185, slapping and grabbing are two very different things, whether it your mom or your girlfriend. I know you specifically didn't mention a girlfriend, but think of the implications of doing each to her. Slapping implies a more playful tone, while grabbing implies a more intimate meaning. Slapping your mom's ass could be considered more socially acceptable, whereas grabbing mom's ass tends to have more of a shutter affect. Joking or not...
sr101998 0
175- I personally don't even do it to my girlfriend, I have respect for women... But I was raised differently then everyone else, so you can't blame me
itsame0987 18
Why would you grab your mom's ass anyway? That is just weird. Ydi op
MolesterStallone 13
I hope his moms ass is the only thing he intends to grab...
brackaman 18
These are the easy FMLs. I didn't even need to read halfway before promptly hitting Ydi. I'm sorry but that was stupid and wrong on so many levels it's painful to read.
Skinwalker131 5
So grabbing someones ass is fine if your related to them. I will keep that in mind...
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Sister-in-law also counts as acceptable.
OhMinty 5
Why would you do that in the first place anyway?
hahasooo 2
Stop with all the comments having to do with the questions of"why would you do that?"
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Well..why would you do that?
MedKits 9
Maybe you can tell us then 34
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
He was trying to score some Oedipussy.
Dekarian 7
110 - I don't think many people on this site are going to get that joke, at least not for the right reason.
itsme1321 3
110 - you're my hero <3
bsmith9942 11
# 34 they all posted at pretty much the same time. Sorry they didn't read each others minds first in an attempt to avoid annoying you.
LennyComa 39
110 - Best comment on this thread by a long way. Thank you
TJhudson181 12
If you think about it, it's your mother's fault for bringing you up that way.
ManInTheMachine 20
Yeah, probably should've checked for a name tag before you made your move. Grabbing the store manager's ass is NEVER a good idea.
SneakyCaveman 13
I'm not what grocery stores you've been to where the employees wear their name tags on their asses.
graffitied_love 20
They simply said it wasn't their mom. They would have probably mentioned if it had been the store manager. It was probably another innocent shopper. YDI for sure, Op. You grab your mother's ass to scare her? That might scare her but not the way you intended.
klovely22 13
Who said it was the manager?
ManInTheMachine 20
Guilty as charged. I occasionally speculate to make for a more interesting comment, or when I can't think of anything else to say. The hair dye FML would be an example. They're either hit or miss; in this case, the latter.
XxskyelovexX 13
i understand what you were trying to say :P
IGotzSkittlez 1
Who would do that in public anyway!?!? YDI
flutter4 7
What child in their right mind would grab their mother's ass?
BntyHntrSeattle 30
It would have been okay in private??
Mommyof2_91 10
Yeah, jeeze you should really grab your moms ass in the privacy of your own home... WTF?
sarahannewrap 7
Well, hey there Oedipus.. Sorry it wasn't your mom.
sharpshooterben 13
Well the OP definitely did wreck this
ImmaB3AST 7
Oedipus was the first mother ******! Sorry. It reminded me of a song.