Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML
Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML
Today, I was driving my car when I suddenly got diarrhea and shat my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then one of my workmates saw my car and came to say hello. She saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML
Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML
Today, I work maintenance at a warehouse store. I had to clean the men's stall because someone had pooped on the seat, the floor, and got some on the wall. When I took my break, I noticed that my fellow maintenance coworker had poop on his pants and shoes. I then realized that I just cleaned up his “mess.” FML
Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML
Today, while I was working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML
Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML
Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML
Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TXfmylifer 10
Dude, unsafe working conditions. You can probably contact someone at OSHA and report whoever made you park it. Seriously, no shit.
Jlyoung 20
I work as a valet and I hope to God that never happens to me. I am deeply sorry for your experience.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (33)
Jlyoung 20
I work as a valet and I hope to God that never happens to me. I am deeply sorry for your experience.
sturschaedel 27
You might want to have a huge garage bag with you at all times, just in case.
SixthSinEnvy 39
Wait, so he pooped himself and he still went into the restaurant?! Why wasn't he turned away at the door?
GhostFox 34
Some medical clinics/hospitals have valet parking, since... Well, sick and injured people might not want to walk nearly a mile for a ER or doctor visit.
Demon_of_Light 27
As a general rule though, if you're impaired enough that you can't walk the length of a parking lot, you're probably not driving yourself around.
GhostFox 34
You'd be surprised. I'm generally talking about hospitals/clinics where the parking lots are separated from the medical building by several hundred yards, roads with heavy traffic, or ones that have a patient base with people who can technically walk the distance, but probably don't want to because of pain or other issues- orthopedic clinics, clinics that treat chemo patients, or patients with any disorder that causes pain associated with activity. There are a lot of chronically ill people that do wind up having to drive themself to appointments when, yes, they technically shouldn't be, but if they can't pay for a driving service and have been all but legally disowned by their family, they still have to get to the appointments.
SixthSinEnvy 39
In the end doesn't matter where he's going. If you shit your pants you don't make someone else sit in it. Period. If we are talking about a medical facility or even a hotel where the parking is valet only I'm sure 9/10 times they'll understand if you explain the accident and they'll show you where to put your car. Anywhere else you need to be turned away. It's a biohazard.
klutz44 28
The ER at my local hospital has valet. Labor and Delivery has a separate valet as well. A friend of mine scarred a valet for life when he saw her give birth on the curb outside the hospital ;)
Kakapo4Ever 11
No, no you didn't still have to park his car. Believe it or not the customer isn't always right.
TXfmylifer 10
Dude, unsafe working conditions. You can probably contact someone at OSHA and report whoever made you park it. Seriously, no shit.
xKrisSmoove 21
I think no shit is what OP wanted in the first place.
buttcrackles 9
Why would he not go back home when he shit himself?
buttcrackles 9
If he wasn't completely there, why is he allowed to drive?
izzajaneful 24
It's not like the dmv gets a notification when someone's mind starts to slip.
RichardPencil 32
People always give the valets shit.
InfiniteSunshine 32
You definitely did not need to park it. Being around someone else's waste can be dangerous. Where I live, it's considered a biohazard and we're actually not allowed to go anywhere near it and have to call professionals to clean it up if it's in our workplace. If someone, like your boss, forced you to do this, report them, they are endangering their employees.
sandman676 20
Your shit outa luck buddy
joseraph 4
That's a shitty thing for your manager (or whoever made you park it) to do. Try suing for unsafe workplace
trucker2 33
Go park that damn thing like the mailman while sitting in the passenger seat