Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML
Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Wait until she wants the room all to herself . . . mwah-hah-hah! Whatever you do, don't lend her your knife.
DocBastard 40
She needs to switch to decaf. Or just change her from zombie movies to Sesame Street.
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Comments (98)
davincidasecond 24
If she ever tells you she'll kill you, i think it would be safest to make preparations to move to your own place.
ocramavaf 15
the father's name, is it Dexter Morgan?
thewife5 19
Wow.. There has been a couple of these kinds of fml lately. Maybe we don't need to worry about zombies so much.. Lol.. The phase will pass.
etishuman22 32
Maybe you should stop including her when you watch Dexter as a family.
diagnosed 15
I would seriously tell your parents about the what she did and make them talk to her and make her understand that that is not right. take your toys away and reinforce the idea that that's not right
GetOffMyLevel 8
Kill her before you die.
katina1236 20
All children present as a sociopath and psychopath it's completely normal. Because of this law enforcement and psychiatrists dislike labelling a child as a sociopath or psychopath because their brains aren't fully developed.
iKristien 5
Relax ... it's a toddler ... When I was a kid, I made up stories with my Barbie dolls where they'd fight and plan to kill each other. There was always one 'evil' Barbie who tried to kill the others and they had to fight back. Those were the best stories. And as far as I know, I didn't turn out to be a psychopath. Just let her play, be glad she has a lot of imagination and makes her own stories. Maybe she'll turn out to be a very creative person.
Alitas 11
Make sure you're never the first one to fall asleep!!! Or learn to sleep with one eye open, put a bell on her bed skirt so you hear her coming..lol these are just suggestions cuz some people are born crazy!!! Watch your back.
Burgleflickle 8
Ever seen a horror movie? It's either her or you.