Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML
Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like, "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML
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Top comments
saba_ajira 29
It sounds like your family members are the only asses in this picture. Sorry OP
cara_marie0303 18
Hopefully she has a weird sense of humor and was kidding? Most people keep those in the shower. Anyway, that sucks OP, hope your day got better!
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Comments (59)
deathscale500 11
I wonder why she would need that so clean.....
deathscale500 11
I wonder why she needs that so clean
tamesenicole 27
Keep your own towels in your room that way you know it's yours
PePziNL 20
Anyone who read OP's username in the AVGN's voice?
Xion0014 20
Use bleach as facial toner.
canadiangirl98 9
Asswipe
clair_brodie 35
You didn't get a clean one out?
BloodyGlass 10
Cram the washcloth down both of their throats, then you can call them Assbreath 1 and Assbreath 2, see how they like it. :D
mariri9206 32
your mom never said anything about not using it? I feel she would have as that is courteous thing to do. after a long day of being on my feet at work, they don't exactly smell like roses and I'll wash my feet with a washcloth and tell my family that's what I used it for so they know not to use it.
roxannam 14
who uses a washcloth to wipe their ass?