Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML
Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like, "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML
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Top comments
saba_ajira 29
It sounds like your family members are the only asses in this picture. Sorry OP
cara_marie0303 18
Hopefully she has a weird sense of humor and was kidding? Most people keep those in the shower. Anyway, that sucks OP, hope your day got better!
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Comments (59)
enginsteve 17
At least it wasn't the three seashells...
ThrottleJockey 36
I still want to know how those things work. I guess I could just yell a few curses out loud and use the verbal violation tickets to clean up.
maximus_prime 24
I'm trying to think of a Yo Mommas Ass joke, but I'm drawing blank. Please help...
pike1346 3
Now that's funny
kirkaygri 18
Some people with horrible hemmroids are recommended by their doctor to use cotton towels to wipe, not scratchy toilet paper. I have an older relative who uses flour sack towels. They're, of course, not ledt where others could use them. That could be the situation. Or the mom is really, really odd. Or joking.
Girlshotdown1 21
This is a repost...
PsychicBulwark 4
Mature, classy household. Nothing to see here.
greeneyedx 23
Anyone else think of "assbutt"?
iwadasn 33
Why would you wash your face with a used washcloth? Just use a clean one and you won't have to worry about where it's been.
Sparx1_1 16
A: lots of people use flushable wipes to be extra clean. Reusing anything just transfers the germs back and forth and leaves you dirtier than when you started. B: Your mother is disgusting. What kind of ******* moron leaves a cloth they wiped their ass with just laying around? C: I can see why people would think it's funny - the first time. People who are not clinically retarded however would realize that point B is a bigger problem considering this might be them one day if they don't make mom stop leaving her shit rags laying around. Make sure you get a clean fresh washcloth every time you wash and fresh towel for drying your face OP and if mom does not like the extra laundry remind her that she's a disgusting pig so you don't have a choice.
lucasstidd 4
Smh rest in peace OP :/