Today, I was washing my face like I normally do. My mom walked by as I was wiping my face and said "That's the washcloth I use to wipe my ass!" My dad and brothers are now only addressing me as "Assface." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML
Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like, "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML
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Top comments
saba_ajira 29
It sounds like your family members are the only asses in this picture. Sorry OP
cara_marie0303 18
Hopefully she has a weird sense of humor and was kidding? Most people keep those in the shower. Anyway, that sucks OP, hope your day got better!
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Comments (59)
Mobetta_2300 22
I would be like,"****!" and walk out
laden_swallow09 35
How very enlightening! I do believe we all have eternally benefited from your great and hypothetical deeds. Your wit and cunning is exceeded only by your generosity. Seriously though, your comment was pointless.
maximus_prime 24
Sorry 29, is say that's a standard statement for a 13 year old.
ProfessorMctitie 20
what a dick #29
tormcn 26
Why are you using a wash cloth used to wipe your ass? -Sincerely, toilet paper
Ichiya 29
My aunt used one of my brother's socks because we were out of toilet paper.
The_Big_Boss 20
I don't wipe
MidnaLink 35
Ew.
limegreenpoopie 31
Your family is awesome xD
barlos88 19
Don't worry op, I'm sure they'll move on to much more creative nicknames in the coming weeks
RedPillSucks 33
like AssAssIn, for killing them with cluelessness. OP should never use an unknown washcloth to wash her face
RedPillSucks 33
some people use a washcloth to wash their ass and another for the rest of their body. so they're not wiping bits of ass all over their body
Neesalun 20
Why would anyone use a washcloth to do that?
worldclassrager 41
Does she use more than one or something? Does it matter?
Dilwann 27
If she uses a washcloth to wipe her butt, then I sure hope she uses a different one to wash her body with!
laden_swallow09 35
That's on her. Why doesn't she use paper product like the rest of us??
alphafish17 16
Well your mom sounds like a classy lady...