Today, my friend decided to jump out of a moving car. I had to explain to the nice old lady who stopped that my friend who was convulsing on the ground wasn't on drugs, he's just really stupid. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML
Today, a friend of mine borrowed my car, drove it on drugs, fell asleep at the wheel, and smashed it. Don’t worry though, he’s fine, but my car was described as a “write off”. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML
Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML
Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my, "stupid fucking prank." FML
Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
Today, one of my friends made it to school. He has been sick recently, missing days out of the week. When I saw him, I greeted him with, "Were you dying yesterday?" Apparently he wasn't, but his grandmother really did. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
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Top comments
cheesenuggrt 5
Get new friends?
NoNotTheFace 8
Quick, while he's still on the ground, kick him in the nuts, hard. Boobs like him should never reproduce.
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Comments (127)
cheesenuggrt 5
Get new friends?
liquidfireKAN 0
I would love to hear that story from the woman's perspective, lol
smurfsarwales 9
get a new woman to stand on the pavement?
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
Poor old lady. OP, does your friend by any chance have a special helmet his mom tells him to wear and does/did he ride a rather petite bus to and from school?
TheRealEllieSan 9
Today, some young whippersnapper on jumps out of his friends moving vehicle while they were driving past me. The worst part is, they thought i looked stupid enough to be convinced they weren't on any drugs. FML
Keyman1212 14
Get new drugs?
newzealand 28
I would love to know OP's friend's reasoning for this... "Ooh a cat!!" *Jumps*
rawrkittyrawr 6
Should of told her it's what the cool kids do
RetardedBullFrog 4
You guys overreact, I was just practicing my barrel roll.
fabian21 0
Stupidity IS the new drug. Every kid is on it now.
Georgieeporgiee 9
Imagine what he'd do if he was actually high....
zbajis 7
94- I get on high that erryday!
chell1894 13
I always wanted to try that..
dre_bro11 12
OP, who let him out of the mental institution? People like that need to stay in their padded cell forever. They're a threat to humanity! As for 21, don't try.
cats400 16
My friends and I got drunk and he decided to jump off the back of my truck while I was spending down my street
GraceKathryn97 0
Haha wow! Sounds like my friends!
cheesenuggrt 5
Sounds like me O_o
rattusrattus 19
One day, cheesenuggrt is going to wind up with a Darwin Award, I think...
MagicallyFat 12
Sounds like your friend and your friends are awesome
ScarletBloom 14
"friends" means not only one. FYL! you need to amend your social circles.
guckylynn 19
Posthumously of course 31.
mlovecats 0
Sounds like somethig I would do
sseberly 11
Cocaine is a hell of a drug. - Rick James on The Chapelle Show
Goobian 3
It's Rick James, bitch!!
sseberly 11
Charlie Murphyyyyyyyy!
gntfmlingnow 12
Meth is one helluva drug - Lois Griffin, Family Guy
BIEBERSLAYER 10
I'm Rick James bitch!!!!!!'
FlyingLazerWALRU 0
AHHH, DARKNESS! DARKNESS EVERYONE; EVERYONE DARKNESS IS SPREADING!
guitarist410 5
**** to couch!
yrkamurka 4
Ahh, friends. Gotta love em'!
GraceKathryn97 0
Lol
GraceKathryn97 0
Lol
cheesenuggrt 5
You double posted... Shaaammmeeeee...
grapes1414 0
Wow lol ! Some people's kids !
CryMoreFMLs 15
Some people..? No.. This is natural selection trying it's best.
oops_im_fucked 8
Anyone else HATE that space some people put between a word and the punctuation?
NoNotTheFace 8
Quick, while he's still on the ground, kick him in the nuts, hard. Boobs like him should never reproduce.
Grimmerie 31
a boob with nuts? you, my friend, have just invented the scariest (and most arousing) **** pitch of all time.
NoNotTheFace 8
Most arousing? Well, read the first few lines of my profile description. After reading that, you would probably know why I'm thanking you. Thank you, gimmerie.
Grimmerie 31
it's my pleasure, good masirdam.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
If he's stupid enough to do it once I'll bet he's gonna try it again working legs or not, he'll find a way.
Binsy 8
Stupid friends: everyone has at least one.
BellaBelle_fml 23
And sometimes you are the stupid friend.
Anubyte 0
Most people have 4
deviable 9
I have 2
FUUUandyourmom 16
No one cares.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
I care.
usmc6892 6
Binsy just wanted to say damn ur fine
iwenttherebuddy 0
I have 1 (-_-) u got to love them before u snap
youngbuck10 9
It's always fun to have a stupid friend! They always seem to outlive everyone, even though they shouldn't. Lol. Poor woman she probably had a heart attack.
megapeyt 17
What an idiot
bigAC 6
from your friend's perspective: "today, i saw an old lady who needed help crossing the street, so i decided to jump out of my car to help her. too bad the car was moving. FML"