Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I saw my dad on a bike, so I shouted after him. He turned his head around and then ran into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
Today, I was working on my computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eyepatch in a couple of days. FML
Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML
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Top comments
missxmelon 0
lol at least you weren't actually mugged!
AxCxDxDx 0
Would you have been more freaked out if it was someone you didn't know holding a banana to your head?
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Comments (154)
ksmiley 0
For people wondering why OP did not recognize the voice: Maybe it did seem familiar and that's why he had the courage to turn around...
me1221 0
I'm sure I've seen this on here or on mlia.
buddy2008 0
this is not an fml this is hilarious lmao
blastvortex 4
Haha. That was a great prank, though he's lucky if you didn't punch him when you found out. PS Get a sense of humour, OP.
Subtext 10
I wonder where your sense of humour would be if your father did something like that. It's funny to read if it happens to someone else...but it is still tasteless.
camrinthepitbull 0
Seriously, your dad is awesome.
applesmoothiee 2
your dads cool, but an idiot. What if you had turned around and punched him really hard in the face and knocked him out or something?
yessirfosho 0
I wish your dad punched you in the face after you turned around then took all your money. Now THAT would be an FML. This is not even remotely close to an FML. Stop feeling sorry for yourself or like your life is bad you selfish twit.
skylar98 0
lol... your dads cool
539533 0
hahahahahahahahah that made me laugh out loud
X_Life_Sucks_X 0
Your dad is an asshole XD