Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML
Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML
Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the Hacky Sacks. FML
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Top comments
liv_graham 7
irony at its finest.
danial1214 21
Pepper spray works wonders in these situations
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Comments (89)
DocBastard 40
When people keep looking at you nervously, there's usually a reason. That's your cue to STAY THE **** AWAY. You don't have much street smarts, do you?
Lionesse 15
And unfortunately, you can't teach street smarts... I equate street smarts to common sense.. Looks like OP lacks both.
outoftown 27
34 - I think OP's mugger found a teachable moment in street smarts. OP isn't likely to forget this lesson. (Sorry, OP. Knives and theft suck.)
Barriaultcory 16
Time to fulfill that new years resolution and hit the gym, why? So tiny women can't steal your money
EvilUndead 9
Being tiny has nothing to do with person's ability to kill or rob you. Right weapon can compensate against age/size/height/gender/strength disadvantages. Years of martial arts training can help against that weapon. Yet blind luck and stealth can help you take down martial artist. I heard a story once where a SAMBO champion got killed by a random punk because said punk whacked his head from behind using something heavy. In another story somebody tried to mug random passerby, sneaked upon the "target", hit victim's head with full strength... only to make said person run away scared. Conclusion: if you want safety, learn to run. And buy yourself a tazer - just in case.
Lionesse 15
That's why you get mugged. Because you underestimate people. Being tiny has nothing to do with your capability to mug someone. I mean, I know kids who are taking martial arts that can kick the asses of people twice their size.. Looks can be deceiving.
HeartOfLead 24
Who invites Michael Vick to the conversation!
wlddog 14
50 Why does organized fighting have weight devisions? That phrase is used all the time, yet I find it almost impossible to believe. Sure someone can have dumb luck or the element of surprise, but a real head to head fight, yeah,,,, the little guy does not win very often at all.
LovesSushi 25
She is a true opportunist!
gracehi 33
You should have laughed and cried out merrily with a huge grin, "Sure! Have my wallet! Go on! Take it! Take it! Take it!" Then when she took it said, "Now you give me yours!" Now who's scared, bitch?
txguitarslinger 7
I call BS. There's no crime in Canada.
KiddNYC1O 22
Well, fyl for being mugged but keep your distance next time... Especially at those hours.
Kingbreezy04 10
Two muggers don't make a right.
Cupcake040 17
If I'm walking at night the last thing I want in the world is the person behind me catch up and talk to me.....the fact that you probably had to speed up to get a person that was already nervous is weird
perdix 31
What a great M. O.!!! I'm sure you are glad you didn't tell her you weren't a killer. On the other hand, I'll bet you wish you told her you weren't a hooker. ;)
shitsville 13
In Canada as well! I thought the people said sorry after stealing stuff, gives your stuff back, and extras long with it...