Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML
Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML
Today, I saw a toddler bolt in a parking lot. Since he was running towards the road behind me, I scooped him up to hand off to his mother. She shrieked, snatched him from my hands, and sprayed me with mace. While I was writhing in pain, some punk kid lifted my wallet and phone. FML
Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, I was jogging and was about to pass a woman ahead of me. I called out I was passing so she wouldn’t be scared. She waited till I was right next to her and pepper-sprayed my eyes while screaming, "Rapist." The cops were there in less than 5 minutes, and even though I was blinded, they still handcuffed me. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
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Top comments
_Chocoholic_ 0
What is mace? Like pepper spray? I'm assuming it's not the spiky club I'm thinking of, lol.
SarahB0184 0
Well, I guess you showed your "attacker" lol. I hope the mace was not too bad though. =)
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Comments (200)
desertdem 0
Sounds pretty fake.
babaa_fml 0
EPIC FAIL!!!!!! ahaha suburban people are so paranoid lol
stegd133 0
fyi, mace will do nothing against a focused attacker - it may throw off a casual mugger, but someone who is truly motivated to harm you will not be effected seriously enough to stop. you're better off carrying an actually weapon, like a knife, or perhaps a tazer.
bubs_AKA_vermin 0
well, i feel your pain. paranoia's a bitch. at least YOU don't hear things at night and see thing move when they aren't. *shudder* and i agree with 78. *grim nod*
rxxk 0
Lolz. When I first read this, I thought s/he was talking about the physical hand-weapon mace (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ceremonial_mace), not the spray.
daisyfuck 0
#20; wtf, what is the difference between defending yourself and using mace to defend yourself? It's the same thing. "Overly paranoid"? Are you kidding? Watch, (assuming the OP is a girl), if she actually WAS attacked she'd be blamed for not being more careful. Mace is awesome and comes in handy.
bubs_AKA_vermin 0
81 ftw.
fully_aliive_xox 0
haahhhaaahahahhahaahhha niceeee
Kickinchicken213 3
fake or not this is hilarious. Kudos for a great FML.
evanescence_fml 7
burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrned.