Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML
Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML
Today, I saw a toddler bolt in a parking lot. Since he was running towards the road behind me, I scooped him up to hand off to his mother. She shrieked, snatched him from my hands, and sprayed me with mace. While I was writhing in pain, some punk kid lifted my wallet and phone. FML
Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, I was jogging and was about to pass a woman ahead of me. I called out I was passing so she wouldn’t be scared. She waited till I was right next to her and pepper-sprayed my eyes while screaming, "Rapist." The cops were there in less than 5 minutes, and even though I was blinded, they still handcuffed me. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
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Top comments
_Chocoholic_ 0
What is mace? Like pepper spray? I'm assuming it's not the spiky club I'm thinking of, lol.
SarahB0184 0
Well, I guess you showed your "attacker" lol. I hope the mace was not too bad though. =)
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Comments (200)
pinkfakecheez 0
#128, just because I am female doesn't mean that I am automatically as light as a feather and as weak as a kitten who needs to carry blinding spray everywhere. For one, spray probably won't be that effective as an assailant could SHUT THEIR EYES and two, has anyone here ever heard of just kicking a mugger in the balls and running like hell? I'm so happy that we don't get these "SEE THAT MAN OVER THERE? HE COULD RAPE YOU! THAT GUY AT THE MARKET? HE COULD GROPE YOU AND MURDER YOUR FAMILY!" talks over here. (UK) Yes it happens and at night we should be vigilant if we are out but the OP is even more jumpier than me! lol at #16 and #83, agree with #108
kamikaze_fml 0
LMAO im suprised that nobody noticed that #5 was shocked that she was carrying around "A" mace (stick with spiked ball on the end). To #5 i'm still not going to answer your question because you are an idiot.
spektorish 0
#129, if a man can plan to shut his eyes to block out MACE, he could certainly plan to wear a cup. Think before you type. She wasn't saying every woman is weak as a kitten, but hey, get over the fact that a majority are typically weaker than men. If you work out regularly and take self defense classes, yeah, you have a shot. The OP has every right to be cautious. She should try catching a cab or something, but if it isn't possible, next time just be more careful with the mace!
l33tm0nk3y 0
Lol, wow... Of course, you kind of have to wonder - if there had been a real attacker after you, would the mace even have hit him with that kind of wind? Now that would be a *really* bad FML...
hmmmihatemylife 0
how did you have a shadow if you were walking home in the dark..................dont really believe this one............
pearls 0
#133 and all others who said she was fake: when it's dark in cities there are usually streetlights and lights from buildings and cars. maybe they're quite dim but have you EVER heard of a pitch black city? geez I feel for you but you should've looked properly before you jumped to conclusions, sometimes at a quick glance you don't notice things the way they are, and because you hyped it up in your mind, you probably convinced yourself you saw a person.
erikaisthebest 0
you so completely deserve it. move out of the city if you're that paranoid. you're going to hurt an innocent person by being so quick with the mace. ydi. ydi. ydi.
MaiLouIsLegend 0
Snap! That's horrible, but at least it wasn't bear mace which blew back into my friends face when he was jus messing around with it ha. But maybe take a different route next time eh? Better luck next time, cheers!
Go_Home 0
These are uncontrolable conditions. And that sometimes happens to me at night. I get paranoid-ish, or very cautious if I may say. Even in my own room, let alone in the streets of the city in pitch darkness of the night. Ha. I would've tripped on my own feet. Okay, no... But still.
siinead__x 0
Was you stoned or trippin out at the time to be that paranoid? omdd