Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML
Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML
Today, I saw a toddler bolt in a parking lot. Since he was running towards the road behind me, I scooped him up to hand off to his mother. She shrieked, snatched him from my hands, and sprayed me with mace. While I was writhing in pain, some punk kid lifted my wallet and phone. FML
Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, I was jogging and was about to pass a woman ahead of me. I called out I was passing so she wouldn’t be scared. She waited till I was right next to her and pepper-sprayed my eyes while screaming, "Rapist." The cops were there in less than 5 minutes, and even though I was blinded, they still handcuffed me. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
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Top comments
_Chocoholic_ 0
What is mace? Like pepper spray? I'm assuming it's not the spiky club I'm thinking of, lol.
SarahB0184 0
Well, I guess you showed your "attacker" lol. I hope the mace was not too bad though. =)
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Comments (200)
Morokea 0
You don't deserve it for being paranoid (who can help that, really?), but you kind of do for immediately spraying the someone you thought was there for no reason. Also lol @ the people who thought you were carrying *a* mace, hahaha
Kiriel 2
Some towns realy do deserve carrying pepper spray. I live in a not too large but very sleazy town and my friend Britt was walkign to my house at night once. This one guy in a car followed her almost the whole way to my house. He would slow down behind ehr speed up then quickly circle the block to go back behind her, now she almost always has someone drive her here when she can avoid walking. :(
Contra 0
#115 - What planet are you on? READ! The spray was blown into her face. And the people who were thinking of the spiky ball kind of mace, lol.
Tunad 0
Jesus this site is terrible for people using hindsight to call the OPs retards; stop taking people word for word, try to understand what they mean rather then they say- its light enough to have a shadow because its light enough to walk etc. Stop calling "overly paranoided" "would have sued you" etc, if you walk that close to someone in the dark you really should either over take them, or back off a bit purely out of respect and common decency
Indiana_fml 4
I agree with #72. Technically, you successfully defended yourself and repelled your attacker.
ArmoredSandwich 0
Oh, God you are stupid, I'm glad it got back to you, can you imagine if it your shadow was actually an innocent guy/gal? #122, I hope you agree that you shouldn't just blindly spray mace around... :/
annis_fml 0
hahahahaha thats pretty damn funny
Tybalt1212 0
Wow, you deserved that. If there were someone behind you, nine out of ten chances would be that they were perfectly innocent. If you ever do mace anyone, I hope you get the arrest you deserve.
layout50 0
#5 - haha, I get it #20 and all others posting in response to 5 or 20 - fail a mace...as in those things they used in medieval times to bash someone's skull in OP - you deserved that like no other - not everyone is out to get you...in fact next to no one is...get over yourself
Books4Me 0
I cannot believe some people are actually questioning why the OP was carrying mace! I'm just going to assume most of those people are men, who GENERALLY don't have to be worried about being raped, kidnapped, and/or murdered like women these days, and wouldn't understand the paranoia simply being a woman can bring. I am a petite 19 year old girl and I worry every day about some psycho seeing me and thinking I would be an easy catch! Especially in the city. In the dark. You never risk the odds! Better safe then sorry. That being said, I do believe the OP jumped the gun and sprayed the mace a bit quickly. Probably wiser to take a few glances over the shoulder first...or even stop and take a good long look. Cause you probably could've gotten sued had you maced some poor person walking home like yourself! haha.