Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML
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Top comments
Blue33_fml 0
YDI for trying too hard
nautical 0
Smoooooooooooth
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Comments (99)
plethora 3
#5 Jalapenos in a cut? Ouch! Also: Fork biting? Not sexy.
were_giraffe 2
do guys really like when people do that? I remember one of the girls in high school trying to lick her icecream at a guy to entice him. but um... it looked skanky
frodub 0
next time try chewing on the napkin. that's really hot.
yer_maw 1
who the **** calls 3rd and lmfao @ #13
jjjeah 0
@ 13 - hahahahahha! Chewing on the napkin!
DarkMirror 0
Yes, we all know that movies convey TRUE sex appeal, like their oh so realistic sex scenes. But maybe that's why we call them "movies" and not "reality"- except for some of the comedies, which your little flirt scene turned out to be.
rukusrazor 0
#11 - Who forced her to eat jalapenos?
youaresofucked 0
i just want to say that sounds really sexy and im sorry it went (quite badly!) wrong :(
elen25 0
Why do people continue to correct the OP's misspelled words..who cares! Anyhow, I can see how the jajapenos could hurt your cut lip..that would seriously sting. Although, I say YDI for trying to impress the guy, nothing ever good comes out of that
thelonelylurker 0
Lol movies. Girl, you dumb.