Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML
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Top comments
Blue33_fml 0
YDI for trying too hard
nautical 0
Smoooooooooooth
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Comments (99)
studentwoes 2
How hard did you stab yourself with the fork to cut yourself and make yourself bleed? Forks aren't very sharp. I'm calling a fake.
I_am_stupid_also 6
Why they say "stick a fork in it," it's just an expression, OK?
BaldOuting 0
slick move.
happy_me 0
rubbing jalapenos in your bloody lip is turning me on baby
siphorsoul 0
you are retarded.
LilleyWhite 0
words cannot express how stupid you are
aback 5
When you read advice that says, "Just be yourself. Be natural." they're talking to you.
Bumlove89 0
Whats up with people calling "fake" on everything. There are seriously alot of situations that COULD happen in real life depending on the circumstances so stop freaking out. And even if it was fake, who cares, just enjoy the damn FML already.
hahaha6 0
#33 ftw!
hahaha6 0
oh, and thank you # 40. The reasons that people use to call fake with are stupid and half though out anyway.