Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML
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Top comments
Blue33_fml 0
YDI for trying too hard
nautical 0
Smoooooooooooth
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Comments (99)
haleybrittbbff 0
first of all that chewing on the napkin thing was funny. haha. and those who can't flirt, shouldn't. guys don't notice little hints and hidden messages like most girls think they do. boys are like lava lamps, fun to look at.. but not all that bright.
AutumnsMonologue 0
FAIL =P
Rauron 0
YDI, but oooouch
zombieman000 0
Stop trying to flirt. Tell someone directly that you're interested and want to spend time together. It saves so much trouble.
kimpylump 0
You shouldn't even be flirting with this guy or any until you lose that weight. God obese women are disgusting. And know biting a fork is not sexy. Its a normal site to see a fat chick with a fork in her mouth. Go on a diet.
notsocrafty 0
Stick with something sexy like working over a whole kosher pickle.
ziqi92 0
I ROFLed SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now stop copying movies and get ur head back to reality
rollursk8r 0
@#5 She was eating a lunch with jalapeños and there was some on the fork when she cut her lip. She didnt stab & then order lunch.
westbrookx 0
People should REALLY stop trying to imitate movies. I've seen so many FMLs and so many idiots out in the real world make complete assholes of themselves because they're trying to do something 'sexy' or 'dramatic' like they see in films. Films are FICTIONAL, and if you need to impersonate a movie character in order to feel good about yourself, you need therapy anyways. Suck it up, princess; you completely deserved it.
Mr_Romeo 8
I'm confused at 77 - who said she was fat?