Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML
Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML
Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML
Today, I found out that I’ve been greeting a coworker by the wrong name for six weeks. The worst part? They never corrected me because they thought it was funny, especially because it turns out to be their mom's name. FML
Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML
Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML
Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML
Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML
Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML
Today, my new boss sat me down and told me he's seriously reconsidering my hire, all because I greeted him with, "Howdy, boss!" instead of, "Good morning, sir." Apparently this indicates a lack of respect for his authority. FML
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Top comments
jessimica642 8
Lol that's so mean, but funny
Minna_fml 14
Then say nothing at all.
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Comments (204)
jessimica642 8
Lol that's so mean, but funny
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Op, they are not your real friends. But if you want to get even, replace "I'm" with "You're". Then look up the translation, "Just like your mom" in chinese. Afterwards, put the two together.
Skittlepickle 13
Reminds me of My big fat Greek wedding, when the fiancé asks the brothers how to say something in Greek an he ends up yelling "I HAVE A THIRD ********!"
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Hmm OP seems like an easy target for old school prank. Here is another one for you OP - say 'Gashti' to greet any Indian/Pakistani girl. It .. Uhm... Means 'hello' :-)
bitch_pleez 10
OP, just tell them tsao knee ma (that's how it's sounds) it means f*** your mom in mandarin
Addyy_ 5
68 - How does she know you're not tricking her, too?
bitch_pleez 10
92, short answer is she doesn't.
M_Rainbow 7
I think it's"????"?am I right?
a1f0sff 25
157- were you "trying" to say hello in mandarin? If so, it's "ni hao"
rdrr 2
Google translate, learn it and use it. YDI, you dumb b***h.
omfgshiz 7
92 - it's true.. But I thought it's diao ni ma.. Maybe just a different slang.. I don't know.. :3
Crazberry 5
173, Why would she Google it when several people who speak it fluently are her friends? (or so she thought)...
cathyfang1533 12
Nope it's ni ta ma de if you want to say f you which literally translates to you his/her mom :P
Addyy_ 5
173 - Because we ALL know how reliable Google Translate is.
blissmarie 6
I know this is totally out of topic but am I the only person who gets extremely annoyed when people use asterisks as a substitute for letters in swear words? No..? Okay I'll go shut up now.....
PokeyStix 3
What's crap is the same thing happened to me once when I was quite close with some Chinese neighbours of mine. Tbh you should never just say what they tell you to even if you know them well. It could always be a joke!
oh_the_karma 12
Well it definitely sucks to be you, but why wouldn't you look up what you were saying, so you also deserve it.....
gurly98 13
Maybe op has no dictionary
justhanging 6
How would someone who knows no Mandarin go about looking up a *spoken* phrase in a Mandarin dictionary? It's not like the written characters have an obvious correspondence to the spoken sounds.
metalwolf 17
9- Yet somehow they get online to post a FML. If they have internet, they have access to the dictionary.
Jaxx66 21
Google is your buddy :) I learned a long time ago not to take phrases taught to me on faith. Usually it turns out bad.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Rule for learning other languages - Always cross check with other friends / Internet or anyone who knows the language before repeating a phrase taught by an individual
PrimeEvilTahir 24
Also to get back at them use an app called 'swear port' (iphone) - you'll thank me later.,. :-)
THE_A_TEEN 28
#2/43, most internet translators and foreign dictionaries online are flawed and are not 100% reliable.
white16sox 19
84 is correct. For example with Spanish there are different variations. There's the Spanish spoken in Mexico and then there's differences in how it is spoken in Spain and many other variations. With online translators they mix all of those variations and make a strange sentence.
saksxalmo 20
#38-- Mandarin dictionaries aren't organized exactly like that. The words are organized by their pronunciations in something called "pinyin". So yes, she could have looked it up only knowing the pronunciation. Even if the OP didn't know that, she could have just looked up the word for "Hello" in Mandarin and compared it with what she was saying...
saksxalmo 20
#84-- That's why you check reliable sources (I won't post them here because I don't want to be a link *****) or check multiple sources to see what the consensus is. It's not impossible to learn about other languages online, you know. That's how I've been doing it for the languages I'm learning...
ajwc 0
Google isn't always right.
Axipiter 24
64 - And never get a tattoo of a word or phrase in another language.
ajeppsen 25
I doubt OP would trust google over her teacher
meihua 19
34 ever heard of pinyin? ?????? And google never works. Bad grammar, wrong characters, it's a word for word translation so it's generally horribly wrong Edit: it won't share my Asian swearing characters. Darn
Quidikic 9
145-For the sake of future human reading comprehension abilities I prey that was a typo and you actually meant to say 'friends.' If not, please in the time to come read each FML with the utmost attention before commenting something in which makes you appear as a complete imbicile.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#182- That's pretty ironic. You "prey"? Haha.
gurly98 13
Oh idk what to say
Minna_fml 14
Then say nothing at all.
instnt1nfction 17
Nothing at all...did I win?
nofearjenshere 12
Anyone else just start singing, "The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars?
wallandpiece 16
3 - Then why'd you comment? 30 - No. I fail to see what that song has in common with this situation.
nofearjenshere 12
"Nothing at all" is repeated in the chorus. I guess I just memorize songs extremely well.
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
That was the most pointless comment I've ever seen. I don't know what to say, so I'm just gonna share my thought with everyone here in FML, because they would obviously care
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
77- No, I think you just thought you'd get a lot of thumbs up with mention of Bruno Mars
nofearjenshere 12
^ Nope, but nice guess. That's like saying I'd hope to get a lot of thumbs up by mentioning Justin Beiber. Am I really the only one out there that starts singing when I hear a phrase from a song?
Prodigy7 4
21, you lose by seven seconds. So close.
angelk12 6
Some of you FMLers are so quick to come to conclusions. Maybe saying something about Bruno Mars is something you'd think someone would do to get thumbs but MAYBE just maybe, and I'm sure this is hard for some of you to believe, maybe she actually does start singing the song? Really. Not everyone is alike.
AwkwardPartyBear 24
I agree with #163. One day when you jump to a conclusion on some random comment, you'll be proven wrong. Then you'll just make an ass out of yourself- and I am not just talking about this thread, I mean in general on FML. I've learned this lesson when I had first got an FML account.
LeFunnyJunk 2
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EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
I'm sorry, but I really can't take you seriously with a my little pony as a picture
_lilla_valora_ 7
they shouldnt be your friends then..
blissmarie 6
They just met. How would he have known he was gonna get fooled? But woah. 1 month. You kinda deserved this one, pal.
reddudeover 2
The suit case in your pic has a smiley face and it creeps me right the hell out. Also I think Op is a she.
bitch_pleez 10
5, I'm taking mandarin at my high school, and we always mess with each other and tell people the wrong stuff, but we're all still friends. Friends mess with friends, that's life.
DingoCJ 15
YDI for trying to make friends with random asians
monkeysinatree 6
Why would you not research what you were saying before repeating it so much?
Isabelana 5
I don't know about you, but I don't think it's really the norm to expect your friends to trick you like that, especially if you go a month saying it and they don't do anything.
monkeysinatree 6
Let's hope that she's only been saying that to her friend, and not anyone else...
habest 2
Payback time, the ultimate prank weapon. SUPERGLUE
reddudeover 2
This comment needed the words bacon and butt-cheeks, revise it and get back to us.
cathyfang1533 12
Why not also toilet seat and surian wrap?
Finnick_fml 12
It took a month for you to realize...? Did you really get NO weird looks/laughs? Well. Impressive that it they held that up for so long without cracking up :) You need new friends, OP. FYL!
DocBastard 40
Oh the old classic bait and switch. Don't ask what they've been feeding you for lunch every day. Hint: it isn't chicken.
nofearjenshere 12
Maybe it is chicken, just not the part he is used to eating...
nofearjenshere 12
Whoops, she*
KiddNYC1O 22
It's rat.
PrimeEvilTahir 24
... But it tastes like chicken...
PrincessPesa 20
Hint #2: Woof!
anothersuicide 0
I'm afraid to ask what it is..wait, where the **** is my dog?
rubberduckie94 13
When your around them start talking in a Chinese accent to annoy them.
reddudeover 2
*Stares through window O.O
SpriteCola 5
That Is a win!
pm_sky 0
that is low, they probably feel threatened by you...try not to let them tear you down, shame on them.
lucy_lue 9
Don't take it so seriously. My friends and I do that sort of thing to each other. Two of them would talk in Japanese and pretend to be talking about me, but really just be commenting on the weather. You have to just laugh it off.