Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML
Today, my girl likes to wear my boxers around the house but she was in a pair I’d not seen before. I asked her and she went all quiet and guilty looking. Dudes, I literally caught my girlfriend in another man’s drawers. It would be tragic but right now it’s just too funny. FML
Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML
Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML
Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, my incredibly self-conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me, and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
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Top comments
emba_fml 13
well at least she's honest
ycrem0n 21
Poke her with your needle
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Comments (58)
emba_fml 13
well at least she's honest
siickman 7
I mean yea i want my girl to be honest but like she should let it off in a easier way.... Not just be straight foward and mean about it
FurryPride 9
Easiest way to find a needle in a hay stack is to light that shit on fire...
The_Hitdude 12
^Look up Charizard on Urban Dictionary-- It'll make your day. ;)
billybob1890 10
Have her Charizard you so she can find it. Then dress up like a girl and be happy ****!
israelnotjacob 20
When you decide to make such stupid comments about how you're supposedly huge you deserve it when someone tells you otherwise. She probably didn't even really mean it but was just teasing, but since you clearly have a huge ego you deserve it.
Stain92 14
^ What self respecting man admits to having a small penis?
LadyGore 12
Well there's an ego blow if anyone asked for one. But at least she's satisfied with you (if she's still with you) that's all that matters? ...right?
Reid5 6
Like when men say their girlfriend isn't fat, she's curvy?
Guren 0
POW right in the kisser!
Nevereverland 8
And the famous "she's not fat , she's big boned!"
BelleIsa_fml 6
Sounds like something I could say.. I bet she's just kidding
noshatsherlockk 15
We all are capable of saying it, but most people wouldn't bust his ego like that. P.s.. If it's a needle in a haystack, I think it's time to shave the pubes so she can find it.
sandyclaus 15
You mean, so it's smallness will stick out like a sore thumb? Talk about highlighting the obvious...
noshatsherlockk 15
At least it won't be invisible...
louielove19 4
Aha aww poor little fella
HendricksProdigy 0
Hah (little fella?)
taco_bender 12
I see what u did there hahaha
randomkayx3 11
Well, at least you could cross dress? :)
randomkayx3 11
can*
CookieGirl4ever 13
Lol, were you just a grammar nazi to yourself? :p
randomkayx3 11
I was literally just sitting here staring at the comment trying to decide whether it's could or can. Came to the conclusion that can sounds better. :)
Bekgq 3
As opposed to figuratively?
randomkayx3 11
Man, word it differently. I'm such a dumbass. x)
CookieGirl4ever 13
^ Lol, I kept thinking about liking that, but I don't think you're a dumbass. :p
randomkayx3 11
Well, considering I have no idea what 45 said. Yeah, I'm an idiot :)
CookieGirl4ever 13
I don't get it either. :p
randomkayx3 11
Alright! So it's not just me? :D
CookieGirl4ever 13
No, lol. :p
yahoowizard 16
Haha, you were joking around with her, and so did she. I don't entirely see the FML here
ladyLALAA 29
Unless OP was not joking, that would just be awkward...
Kev_Chr 4
it's better to let it show than have people wondering if you have one... flaunt it!
RedPillSucks 33
It's better to have people wondering than let it show and remove all doubt.
DontForgetMe4 0
Ouch... but really OP , your girlfriend is still with you right? It can't be THAT bad then.
ycrem0n 21
Poke her with your needle
waterpool 0
Haha, (smack bitch with needle sized ****)