Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML
Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML
Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML
Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML
Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML
Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well-performed dive off the diving board, I went up and attempted my best dive. I slipped as I jumped, hitting my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML
Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML
Today, I was in swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your love life! Swim, bitch!" FML
Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML
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Top comments
lexiemae97 9
he was running his hands over your chest? hmmmm.... I don't think his intentions were to save your life.....
jennifer93 0
hey at least you know the pool has lifeguards that do their job!
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Comments (185)
toxicmurder109 4
he got a chance to feel u up
witchdoctor1 9
umm gee the people here all pretty much say OP is a girl.... what if OP WAS A GUY.....?!?
pYrO92583 0
then that just creepy
Clover2009 0
"Hurrduhdurr I can't read." That's ALL I got out of that comment. It says "woman" in their gender field.
pYrO92583 0
mabey you have a nice pair of boobs and he couldn't resist it's not like je hurt anyone and doesn't sound like you tried to resist so give the guy a break
iammestaman 0
Learn to swim!
paramor3 23
Ha ha, this sounds like Pheobe from Friends decided to take a swim, instead of jogging in the park!!
vivalaavans 5
haha this happened to my sister too. she swims weird. :p
Fohz 9
Here is something you all should read if you are going to be spending time around water this year. Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning --------------------------------- The Instinctive Drowning Response – so named by Francesco A. Pia, Ph.D., is what people do to avoid actual or perceived suffocation in the water. And it does not look like most people expect. There is very little splashing, no waving, and no yelling or calls for help of any kind. To get an idea of just how quiet and undramatic from the surface drowning can be, consider this: It is the number two cause of accidental death in children, age 15 and under. Of the approximately 750 children who will drown next year, about 375 of them will do so within 25 yards of a parent or other adult. In ten percent of those drownings, the adult will actually watch them do it, having no idea it is happening. Drowning does not look like drowning. Dr. Pia described the instinctive drowning response like this: 1. Except in rare circumstances, drowning people are physiologically unable to call out for help. The respiratory system was designed for breathing. Speech is the secondary or overlaid function. Breathing must be fulfilled, before speech occurs. 2. Drowning people’s mouths alternately sink below and reappear above the surface of the water. The mouths of drowning people are not above the surface of the water long enough for them to exhale, inhale, and call out for help. When the drowning people’s mouths are above the surface, they exhale and inhale quickly as their mouths start to sink below the surface of the water. 3. Drowning people cannot wave for help. Nature instinctively forces them to extend their arms laterally and press down on the water’s surface. Pressing down on the surface of the water, permits drowning people to leverage their bodies so they can lift their mouths out of the water to breathe. 4. Throughout the Instinctive Drowning Response, drowning people cannot voluntarily control their arm movements. Physiologically, drowning people who are struggling on the surface of the water cannot stop drowning and perform voluntary movements such as waving for help, moving toward a rescuer, or reaching out for a piece of rescue equipment. 5. From beginning to end of the Instinctive Drowning Response people’s bodies remain upright in the water, with no evidence of a supporting kick. Unless rescued by a trained lifeguard, these drowning people can only struggle on the surface of the water from 20 to 60 seconds before submersion occurs. This doesn’t mean that a person that is yelling for help and thrashing isn’t in real trouble – they are experiencing aquatic distress. Not always present before the instinctive drowning response, aquatic distress doesn’t last long – but unlike true drowning, these victims can still assist in their own rescue. They can grab lifelines, throw rings, etc. Look for these other signs of drowning when persons are in the water: -Head low in the water, mouth at water level -Head tilted back with mouth open -Eyes glassy and empty, unable to focus -Eyes closed -Hair over forehead or eyes -Not using legs – Vertical -Hyperventilating or gasping -Trying to swim in a particular direction but not making headway -Trying to roll over on the back -Appear to be climbing an invisible ladder. One way to be sure? Ask them, “Are you alright?” If they can answer at all – they probably are. If they return a blank stare, you may have less than 30 seconds to get to them. And parents – children playing in the water make noise. When they get quiet, you get to them and find out why.
alexFYL 11
A+. Thank you! I learned about this last summer and asked one of my lifeguard friends and to my utter shock and surprise, he had no idea, and neither did the rest of the lifeguards (though they were trained in CPR) Mental note, never go to that pool ever again.
User1518 6
Well said, and good advice.
a_nutritionist 10
@142 while i can understand your point, i dont quite understand why you wont be attending the pool again unless you believe youre prone to drowning...
pYrO92583 0
who cares noone wants a half and hour long post
rj6 0
agreed
RufusCade 7
This sounds like a bet or a dare...
mitchn60 6
Heh, heh. They're still getting away with that?
JayTaylor 0
I'm a lifeguard. we are legally responsible to save someone drowning. he was probably making sure you were safe or he could get sued if you drowned. and I really doubt he would intentionally rub your chest. our rescues require close contact and we have to preform them quickly so an accidental brush wouldn't be uncommon.