Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML
Today, I was taking a lifeguard certification test. I nearly drowned halfway through. FML
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML
Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML
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Top comments
samreimer 7
A) inhale huge amounts of water B) sink
TarieBoo 2
did you start drowning before you got in the water? i didnt know there was a 'wrong' way
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Comments (162)
samreimer 7
A) inhale huge amounts of water B) sink
ChrisG93 8
It's all about the technique.
baconftw 9
Last time I checked, there wasn't a right way to drown.
samreimer 7
Bonus points: Yell loud enough for all swimmers to hear, "AHHH IT HAS MY LEG!"
Tali147 16
Did you master "the float". After you drown you have to let your limp body float to the surface of the water. Could you give your boss that little bit of extra effort he is looking for?
tjv3 10
That remindse of Men of Honor
truth_spitta 0
Just remember to inhale and exhale deeply...oh shit! That's right...just make sure you aren't 'in too deep' with a company that's gonna yell at you for doing it right lol
ReesieBanana21 12
You forgot to scream! Dur!!!
Megan98 18
Don't forget the dramatic screams, and the ninja chops into the water!
9726 5
I'm willing to bet he screamed and splashed and caused a huge fit. That's not actually how most people drown. There's little splashing and only weak cries for help. By being loud and splashing he is creating a falsity for the new lifeguards to base what they should be looking for.
kellymilliken 1
I just finished life guard training and that's completely right
floopyflooper 2
I'm probably not the only person who has thought this, but I used (like elementary school age) to be petrified of sharks in pools.
Neorecon19 18
I didn't even realize there was a wrong way to drown.
syley 5
Kills me that it "threatened their reputation", are thy known for how well their lifeguards drown?
annihil8or 15
C) get bitten by a shark and drown
TarieBoo 2
did you start drowning before you got in the water? i didnt know there was a 'wrong' way
COOL__Coal 12
He forgot die. If you're going to drown right you have to die. Remember that!
CaramelMacchiato 13
If OP pretended to drown while they were on land it would have looked as if they were having a seizure.
mars13_fml 8
Ok I didn't know there was a wrong way either... I think maybe the OP's boss may have been having a bad day?
TarieBoo 2
89- you obviously didnt understand why i said that....
KairoFallin 0
This is stupid because I got certified as a lifegaurd last week. When we did our rescues the boss shouldn't be all pissy about the person drowning. This is rather fake or the boss is a complete idiot.
CupAndSilverware 3
Maybe he started drowning while on land...?
Briscuit 24
Did you forget to flail your arms around and yell, "CRAMP!" I make that mistake a lot.
Tali147 16
I made that mistake when I first started drowning. But now that I am a professional, I have it down.
BigBoyBounce 5
I don't know if you implied it when you made your comment, but did anyone else think of Patrick Star when they read it?
Briscuit 24
60- I did indeed! ;D
infaith 5
60, agreed! an sponge bob!
Bagel09 11
Sucks to be you
THE_A_TEEN 28
It is. It should be on a website called FML. Oh wait...
hockeyoceancity 13
Respect my authority... Stop commenting.
Bagel09 11
I'll kick you in the nuts!
l23VIVE 17
Bagel... Shut the **** up! Let us bury him!
Bagel09 11
I see you posted 7 fmls,your life must really suck.
Comet_Candy 23
How does one drown the wrong way...?
hockeyoceancity 13
By floating and swimming peacefully, maybe in a nice safe tube with a life jacket just in case. That's how you drown wrongly.
Mariebaz 11
20- Wrongly? That "-ly" was redundant, and made you sound, well... Stupid.
hockeyoceancity 13
Oh i'm sorry i forgot people are pricks about spelling. Calm your boner.
egc573 40
Actually, floating peacefully IS closer to how people drown in real life. A lot of the time, they don't move at all and their mouths are below the surface, suffocating quietly. That's why quite a few parents who lose kids to drowning claim they didn't notice--no splashing or choking out for help. That may have been what OP was doing--the quiet, realistic kind. The boss (who probably isn't a lifeguard), watching the exercise, may have idiotically concluded that the OP "drowned wrong" because it wasn't drowning like you see in movies and TV. In that case, it's going to be the boss who ruins the organization's reputation, as asshole bosses often do.
joooeee 3
Listen to 47. The woman knows her stuff. The art of drowning is not child's play.
GaleIsHawt 5
They forgot to die! If you don't die then you didn't drown, duh. :)
hockeyoceancity 13
Yeah because you know CPR isn't used to make sure people who drown stay alive.
ManInTheMachine 20
72- Chill the **** out! You're getting agitated way too easily. Holy crap, and I thought I was short tempered... Calm down. It's FML, don't take things too seriously. It took me a while, but I got there.
hockeyoceancity 13
I wasn't being serious lol. Everything i write on this is either a joke or just me saying it and this whole thread has been a joke to me lol. Trust me i'm the last person to take any of this serious.
ManInTheMachine 20
Ah, I see. Well, I was referring to a combination of your previous comment and this one. But, as the song goes... "If you're cool, then I'm cool, then we're cool..."
baddawg365 0
39- But what if it's an uncontrollable boner?
hockeyoceancity 13
You should probally stop listening to the intro music to your room-mate's favorite video game.
fabulosogurlee 7
Way to reference another fml... Nicely done
baddawg365 0
97- Thank you sir, appreciate that you noticed.
kmccain 27
#70- actually to drown means to get water in your lungs, you don't need to die to drown.
baddawg365 0
Edit: to my post... I did not view your profile and so unbeknown to me you are in fact a madam. My apologies *bows low*
fabulosogurlee 7
apology accepted... I hope that you enjoyed the reading of my profile (curtsied)
ElricMustang 23
Aw man. Drowning: You're doing it wrong.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
He kept floating. Try tying a bag full of bricks to your ankle. That'll do it.
hockeyoceancity 13
Or use the bag of bricks to knock yourself out so you don't have to panick as much. :)
Kbearlove23 0
Oo fma pic
RosaLeigh98 0
Oh my gosh died laughing!!! XD
xattitudegurlx 13
Well you were doing it the wrong way. Geez doesnt everybody know how to drown the right way.
alstbv12 13
I just wanted to say that your dog is incredibly cute. Labs are definitely one of the best breeds ever! I wish my 4 year old chocolate lab hadn't gotten cancer...
xxmel 6
Why did you have to mention your dog with cancer?
NothingsEasy 4
Dude that sucks that your dog got cancer I'm sorry bro, it's hard to let go of your pets they are a piece of your life
KunoKanashimi 3
Sympathy; You're whoring for it.
Armanderchay 4
Pretty sure if you're still breathing by the end you did it wrong. How inconsiderate of you
superswagbro 7
The nerve of some people. Not wanting to drown, pfft.
Wesley92 0
I think there's only one way to drown
molliepop19 5
Haven't you read drowning for dummies?! There are loads of ways in there!!
livkoko 15
If you drowned 'properly' wouldn't that make you dead?