Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included, "I want to go to the car" followed by, "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were driving around town in his car. To my surprise he took me out to lunch. As we were leaving, a girl walks up and asks if he had room for one more for a ride, sadly he only has two seats in his car. Guess who had to walk! FML
Today, a girl I like was taking her phone out of her pocket and two condoms fell out. Last week I'd tried hooking up with her and she'd said that she only has sex with a man who is her boyfriend. So I said, “Oh, new boyfriend, huh?” She said, “Nah it’s for hookups, gotta be prepared!” I guess she forgot she lied to me. FML
Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML
Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML
Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend with a serenade. After I finished, she told me she'd come over to tell me she'd found someone else and wanted to break up. FML
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
Today, I pretended to not be able to go out with a friend so I could hang with my boyfriend at the movies. When I sat down I received a text that said, "Turn around." It was her. FML
Today, I went on a date with the girl of my dreams. Her boyfriend, who she said she'd broken up with, was at the same restaurant with another girl. She screamed at him for ten minutes, then they started making out, and left together. The girl he was with looked at me and said "Eww", then went to hit on another guy. FML
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Top comments
blkwhtrbbt 0
why didn't you move? stuck how? like some prankster glued you to the seat?
nom_nom_nom 0
awww ): Who says that she was his ex girlfriend, though? Maybe she turned him down. Either way, that sucks, bro. I hope things get better for you. Then maybe she'll be jealous.
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Comments (63)
SnickerVonBicker 0
perdix, its all about serena
headphone84 0
get over it! if they don't do it in their car then they will do it somewhere else. either way you get nothing
tj41567 0
I would not turn into a psyco shoot him in the car and finish screwing the girl but it's a thought
QueenCrunch 0
Well, if she gets pregnant...is that revenge enough for you?
DeepSouthEmo 0
Shoot them until they team-kill you then boot them from the table. it works every time
dckbtch 2
just move away! or tell your mommy. whatever floats your boat.
DeepSouthEmo 0
confucious say: man who fish in other mans well often catch crabs
xiFlyx 0
LMAO that made me lol
linamerri 0
cumdumpster
linkjp 0
Find someone else, sometimes things don't work the way you want.
arizdegenerate 0
I would've gotten up, took a condom out of my wallet, turned around and handed to the guy then said " **** her, I did." Make her look like the **** she is and let him know he's getting your sloppy seconds
linamerri 0
win
blastvortex 4
She's not your girlfriend any more. Move on.