Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML
Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML
Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML
Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML
Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML
Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML
Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML
Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML
Today, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep, I listened to the chirping crickets and appreciated how soothing the sounds were. Then I realized I lived on the 8th floor of an apartment building. Turns out my brother's science project got into my room and multiplied... a lot. FML
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Top comments
SmallTownCutie 0
aww it's ok. you're just lonely.
Illyssa_fml 4
awesome!! are you gonna find a giant peach now? haha
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Comments (207)
korn247 5
43, YOU'RE AMAZING!!! SYSTEM OF A DOWN!!!!!
caraphernelia 0
you're a disgusting freak.
magenmurderr 0
what's his name, eh?
DankAssKeefSlump 0
Youre worthless pathetic and desperate Die in a hole is a future youre looking forward to
Thatbi 0
Bummer, For those who are taking the piss ypu obviously havent felt that lonely before. It hurts
tbonea1990 0
poor cricket
moogie0221 3
One legged ? Must be named Eileen . Unless it's an asian cricket , Irene .
RedPillSucks 33
Oh my gosh!!!! It's embarrassing how long it took me to get this joke. I hate ethnic jokes, and I hate that I laughed.
thatgirljen 0
dude, really? a crippled cricket? wow.
allmidnighteyes 11
How do you know it's a guy?
Shinygirlnz 1
The FML belongs to the cricket. Poor trapped cricket. Let the cricket go outside please, that's where crickets are happiest.