Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML
Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML
Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML
Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML
Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML
Today, I realized that since I started working full time, the only friend I have left is my cat. Lonely and bored out of my mind, I told him about my day. He decided to end the conversation by shitting on the floor. FML
Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe… with my foot. FML
Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML
Today, while laying in bed trying to go to sleep, I listened to the chirping crickets and appreciated how soothing the sounds were. Then I realized I lived on the 8th floor of an apartment building. Turns out my brother's science project got into my room and multiplied... a lot. FML
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Top comments
SmallTownCutie 0
aww it's ok. you're just lonely.
Illyssa_fml 4
awesome!! are you gonna find a giant peach now? haha
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Comments (207)
sweet_candy_ 17
Don't feel so down op.I text myself and named it :(
nhougham 0
did you call him jimani
bella789 8
haha. I actually Lol'd here :)
things12345 14
Should've named him Jim-one-knee Cricket
SquaresviL7e 0
Assuming the thing lives, its legs will start to grow back after it moults. I do question how a cricket accident-prone enough to lose five legs is going to survive on its own for too long, so it's probably a good thing it wound up in a crazy loner's room ;-) They sell cricket diets at pet stores but you can just feed it shredded carrots and potatoes. And if it dies, I'm sure you can find a Palmetto bug stuck on its back on the floor that would like to be pals with you.
boycrazy_piglet 0
haha I would do something like that
Dance4161 0
lmao you are kinda amazing just saying lmao!!
LaurenCMcCoy 17
YDI, instead of talking to a cricket for hours why don't you go and join a club or something, or buy a cat.
iliveinthesky_fml 0
build him a house made out of grass blades lol
perdix 31
Unless you are delusional, it wasn't a conversation, it was a monologue. A monologue that a bored invertebrate would have walked out on had you not eaten 5 of its legs.
starile 20
The poor thing can't run away from your ramblings because it just has one leg :( It's gonna die if you don't help it!
tmmundy 17
lmao!!!!!!